Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Not for the weak stomach!

Warning: like most of my writing, it smacks of political incorrectness. For example, I think US of A is run by a Dictator. See, incorrect politically. I'm gonna talk about weight problem here, so, for those who are not comfortable in reading it, I suggest you go the next blog which is probably about flowers, bees, and bird dung.

Now, my weight problem. Called my mom that day, and guess what was her first query? "When are you getting married?" Okay. That was first. The second was, "What's your weight now?" I can imagine her standing by the phone holding the ladle, even if she has finished cooking hours ago. I mean, shouldn't moms be asking stuff like, "hey, checked out any babes lately?" Or, "How many crates of beer you want this weekend?".

But then, mom is mom. So, I confessed. I said I saw the latest picture of myself and I looked like a pig. A PIG!!!!!!

Scenario:

Pig 1: Hey, you look fat like a pig.
Pig 2: Snort.
Pig 1: Right.

Well, it was not only mom. Some folks I have not seen for sometimes said that too. I was going, "Man, haven't seen you for sometimes now. How the hell are you?" "Oh you know, miserable as usual. What's with that tummy, bro?"

And my face! When I put on weight, it gets bloated, and I get double chin. So, off to the regime.

I have started to jog now. I was doing okay when an uncle of mine said, 'no, don't jog unless you used to be a runner."

What? Like running guns. Hehe.

He said, "Walk".

Fine. Walk. But don't we do that everyday? We walk to the room. We walk to the fridge. We walk back to the room. We walk back to the fridge and when we run out of beer, we take a quick walk down to the shop to get a few more. I mean, how much more walking can we do?

If the feet can talk, what would it say, with all these walking?

Feet: Listen, you yellow bellied chicken shit! Why torture me when it was all about your tongue and belly.

Me: Shut your mouth. Oh hell, you don't have mouth.


That, folks, is where the problem is. Its all about our mouth. Tape it shut, and sure you'll lose weight.

Speaking of which. History of weight watching began back in...

Hey, where the hell do you think you are going? Come back here.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

before I gush over your posting like how I normally do, 1 issue to pick with you... did you have to let me read this after lunch!? after i gorged down my lunch!? All I can say is... men have perfect timing...

ok... now the female K9 being is out of the way... this is one damn funny piece... hehehe... i haven't seen you in a bit... so wouldn't know what your double chin looks like... but am sure it is a lot more attractive then your tummy... hehehe...

:o)

PS... you still haven't completed the banana leaf conspiracy thingy...

justanotherpig said...

grrrr! yr mum is my dad.. perenial issue with me.. though i haven't the foggiest why.. im as they say bodylicious, babee... :P

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