Friday, May 25, 2012

How to buy a house…and don’t.


Aside: Wrote this out of frustration that project I am involved in is not satisfactory. End of aside.

You are reading this because you want to buy a house. What made you to come to this decision? Simple:
1.      You are engaged and soon to be married.
2.      You have been staying with your parents for far too long that you discover a conspiracy involving your mother, your meal and arsenic.
3.      All your buddies have bought a house and the next time someone opens his mouth about his new property and you swear you are going to shove his own sales and purchase agreement document up where the sun can’t shine even if it uses anti-gravity technology.
4.      Your parents have too much money and you are a jerk.

Considering these conditions, you decide that, yes, a house is the way to go.

But this post will eliminate the number four guy, because, well, everything is done for him and all he has to do is to wait for the entire process to be finish so that he can go right in and burn more money by the fireside even though there’s no winter in Malaysia.

How much can you afford?

As I said, the number four jerk can go to hell. This advice is for those who are earning here and there, monthly, and usually, by the end of the month you wonder if the banks are eating up your account so that they can pay for their CEOs manicure.

The simple truth about the current property situation is this: you can’t afford jack shit.

Property prices have been going up the roof, unless you are homeless. That’s the truth. As I learned the other day when my immediate boss and I met with my wife’s uncle, a very experienced valuer/real estate agent/consultant/my-wedding-reception-toast-bloke, uncle Clement, the property price is “ridiculously high”.
But let’s say, let’s just say, that you do earn a little bit and you have the confidence to pay for your monthly housing loan repayment. Well, good news because I am going to make you cry and hope that they allow caves to be rented again.

You see, there is more than just having a great salary. You have this thing that has been constant in your life ever since you decided how awesome it is that you don’t have to go to school anymore: bills.

Yes, bills and bills and more bills and I am not even talking about the Williams in your life. I am talking about moolah, money, dough that is being parted from you. Remember the tears.

Yeah, housing loan is all about how much of hard work you put when you are not facebooking, chatting, or downloading music, is taken away from you. How terrible.

But you can always calculate how much you can let go each month to the bank that has already paid the developer (of that house, if you are interested in buying) who then proceeds to spend it with the personnel from the relevant government ministry.

House buying process

By now, I guess you are already looking at that razor blade you are holding over your other wrist. Life is like that. Buying a house at these times is like voluntarily availing yourself to leg amputation even though you are in perfect health.

In short, go ahead and buy a home, the world is overpopulated already.
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