How to deal with World Cup 2010 for the Less Enthusiastic.

The World Cup 2010 will kick off today, and I can already see some of you reaching for blade to cut your wrist saying, “We know that!!! It’s all over the place and we are sick of it! And can you stop using ‘kick off’, why can’t you say ‘starting’, ‘opening’, ‘launching’, fer Pele’s sake”

Alright, relax. I am too afflicted by this barrage of media advertisements, promotions, riding on, cross-promotions, product placements, sport celebrity endorsements, and cringe-inducing comic panels from the Star newspaper’s C.W.Kee (Premise for every-frickin’ day: man is so enthralled with World Cup that…), but there is no denying that deep down, right inside your heart and mind you are feeling the excitement. No matter how un-football friendly you are, you are either in or you are better off homeless and untouched unless someone has six-foot pole nearby.

Let’s face it, the entire world is excited by Word Cup…with exception of the United States which says football is a game where the ball is passed with hands. Yeah. US. It had two Bushs as president remember? Though they have a team for the game they prefer calling soccer (pronounced ‘sucker’), the game is somewhat more popular with ladies. Perhaps they have the guts to play without those ridiculous helmets and there’s no additional expense in getting ball-guard.

Anyway, my point is this: Love it or not, the month of June you have to bear with it. I like the game just like the next man, but my enthusiasm for it has waned over the years, like the woman next to the next man. Sure, I’d be rooting for Argentina, a team I was supporting since I was seven when I can’t even spell Argentina, or other South American countries due to memories of the fan-days where I felt they played exceptionally great game. But, it’s no longer like how I used to. For one, I am not going to stay up late to watch the games, nor am I getting up early. I have enough issues with Insomnia already.

It often stated that usually female members or partners in a family suffer through this period no thanks the male members’ obsession with the World Cup. Alas, this is not true when it comes to me and some cat families. My wife is obsessed with it, so much so that I pray and hope her favourite team, Brazil, do well at least to prevent domestic violence. Turning up at workplace with blue-black eye and blaming it on World Cup is not good for my career prospect.

So, if you are like me, here are some tips on how to deal with certain situations:

The Game You Don’t Really Care

Trust me there will be many of these. So, if your partner is enthusiastic about a team, the country you never even know existed, show enthusiasm as well. Here’s a sample conversation:

Partner: That damned (player name) shouldn’t have handled the free kick.

You: Yes, damned *&^%$%, can I get you another pack of peanuts, honey? (so that you can wash your face, or anything to keep you awake).

But things are about turn nasty, if you partner asks you for an opinion, which is rare because they all have opinions and usually are not interesting in asking. So, just in case:

Partner: A corner kick, finally. Who do you think should take it?

You: May the right man take it. As long as he scores, right?

Partner: Which team are you supporting again?

You: I think you are running out of peanuts

Yes, diplomacy helps, keep lots of peanuts or popcorn in stock.

The Game You Care, but It’s Your Team against Your Partner’s

In my case, what if Brazil meets Argentina somewhere. I like Brazil as much as the rest of the world, but how do you support both teams? You have to take a stand don’t you? I have two suggestions:

1. Just give in to your partner’s team. Say you hope her or his team wins, coz you know already they are winning the cup

2. Say you have urgent work to do and hide under the bed throughout the game.

3. If you are caught under the bed, say you are not well and …..

Forget it, you will be brought back kicking and screaming, at which time the neighbour might alert the police, and the cops can take care of the situation. Unless they too support Brazil.

The Madness Building Up.

Yes, you cannot avoid this. Your partner will speak, eat, drink, inhale, ingest, consume and burp World Cup all day long. They say; if you can’t beat them, join them. So, if things get out of hand, call mom and say that you are coming back and going to be there for the entire World Cup. Of course, your mom would cut the line because her favourite team just scored a goal.