Mani Rathnam: Of Sexism and Homoeroticsm.

Mani Rathnam and his buddy, Goatie.

Tamil film industry is known for glorifying the mediocre, simply because there are very few greats. This holds true for directors especially after K. Balachander decided to stop being awesome and make a couple of films with Suhasini.

I mentioned Suhasini to do a “speaking of Suhasini” schtick simply because I wanted to talk about Mani Rathnam this time.

Why? Well, simply because he is touted as India’s greatest director by many and I wanted to convince myself, knowing well that nobody’s gonna agree, that he is not. Truth is, he had a shot to greatness but somewhere he fizzled. More importantly the future might actually remember him as sexist director with slight fascination with homoeroticms at the time when women broke the goddam glass ceiling, climbed up the iron ladder and knocked the male CEOs off their chair with wooden ladle.

Blatant accusation, you say? Hallo, this is a blog and usually that’s what it’s for. Plus no one would read this considering he has no release or health issue currently.

Let’s look at the women in his films. More often they are pushed back even though some stories are supposed to be around them. Let’s look at his first hit, Mouna Ragam. The story surrounds Revathi, but the point Mani is making was, “stop sulking you dumb bitch, and take what’s been given to you and suck it up”. She had to put up with this sad looking man when she’d rather hang around with an old Sardarji yearning to learn Telugu.

The followup mega success, Nayagan, is not kind to women either. There are prostitutes and the protagonist falls for one and marries and when you think everything is fine and dandy, Mani has her, not only shot few times, but have her roll off the window with her saree in the heroes hand. The hero’s daughter gets smacked around and runs away.

In Agni Natchathiram, they were either sluts or mothers who married the same man. Amala was too friendly love interest and Nirosha hung about in bikini. Great going there, Mr. Mani Rathnam the director.

What’s next? What was that movie that remade Karnan? Yeah, she loves him, but marries someone else making Rajini fans all around to be Shobanaphobic. Worst, from tough, macho, stylish bloke to a softer than banana cake nerdy government guy.

The leads own pair turns out to be the widow of the man he killed. Jeez he never even got to make out with her, and had to live to take care of the dead guy’s daughter. The second heroes wife is swell actually, until she got swollen and had to abort the baby.

I have not watched Geetanjali, but I suppose there are some disease and death involved. I have watched Anjali but I want to truthfully forget the film, even if I miss to point out that the Revathi character is made out to be a sucker for having a sneaky husband who hid the fact that her third child was alive. Of course, she continues to suffer until the child kicked the bucket.

Let’s move on to Mani Rathnam Phase Two: The ARR Years.

Roja. Now, what could possibly wrong with a film that shows a strong woman as the protagonist. Nothing of course, except she’s again shown helpless trying to locate her kidnapped husband who looked like secretly he’d rather be a Nationalist in constant debate with the enemy. His scenes with the terrorist seemed more intimate than with his wife. He even makes fiery love to his national flag, but that’s another matter entirely.

Mani later made a terrific movie that failed: Thiruda Thiruda. The heroine here, played by Heera, merely becomes the fodder for triangle love in what happens to be a buddy heist movie. The other female lead? A slut.

Bombay is a film I saw in sketches but the film is too horrible for me and many remember Monisha Koirala’s bouncing boobs more than the bombs. I have not seen Dil Se, but those who saw please let me know what happens to the women in the film.

And then comes Iruvar, a film that would have been a lot more awesome if only the director had dug deeper instead of showing a disclaimer movie that is apparently not about MGR and Karunanithi. The female lead? An abused actress who marries the main guy whose earlier wife is killed by disease and he in turn - under the excuse that a new actress looks just like his dead wife my-my - frolics around with a floozy. The second lead dude has a wife whom he almost killed no thanks to candle in his room, and latter hangs around some made-for-awards-looking actress. Yeah, a mistress.

Alai Payuthe is a film that I watched in patches. I will thank Mani for introducing R. Madhavan a brilliant actor who was terrible in his first film. Well, sticking to the subject, the lead female probably is spared of anything happening to her considering that she is not a slut, mistress or prostitute. Sure, I’ll cut some slack to …Eh? Accident? Oh.

Kannathil Muthamittal had Simran as female lead. Enough said.

You could say the next venture, Aytha Ezhutthu/Yuva, he was kinder to the women folks (three heroes’ pairs). Well, for one there’s a girl who made her lover to stand dangerously on a bridge divider of a very busy traffic and declare his love. Any woman does that to me, I’d write a note saying she’s the reason first before doing something suicidal like that. Not helped by the fact that in the Tamil version, it was played by Trisha who would go on to play many more versions of “to love or not to love” feminist version of Hamlet.

The second heroine was basically victim to an abusive husband. Yeah, we get to see her getting smacked around. The third is spared. Oh wait, she was to become a politician’s wife.

I have not seen Guru properly, so I will give Mani the due cut slack here.

His last film was probably the worst until I go back revisit Idhaya Kovil or attempt to watch Geetanjali (no!). Ravanan was a modern take on Ramayana, all about Seetha and her relationship with Rama and Ravanan. Her own husband suspects her of being victim of Stockholm Syndrome and she abandons him to go back her kidnapper. And god knows what her original kidnapper learned about her, at a crucial moment, he pushes her away and takes all the gazillion bullets.

There you go. In Mani’s world, women are evil necessetties. They are needed for the lovely Ilayaraja or AR Rahman tunes. They are needed to accompany the heroines during their initial “let me be happy and frolic around before I get miserable” moments. They are needed to be smacked about, pushed off the windown, shot at (not in that particular order), or are sluts, prostitutes and mitresses. They are just part of the population where males come first, and male to male relationship matters most. My claim of homoeroticism lies there, though I am not saying there’s any direct homosexual relationship in his films.

That’s why women are hindrances, because Mani is more interested in the strong male bonding. Take Nayagan for example, the daughter slaps the hero’s good friend and right hand man, and our man goes beserk. If the friend didn’t stop him, he would have strangled her to death. Friendship? I don’t know man, I would not do such a thing for a friend. My brother, maybe, but not my buddy.

Agni Natchathiram precisely examines the relationship of two brothers who are not actually brothers. Sure, step brothers, but their obsessive hatred to each other makes us think that two wrongs could be a right. Eh?

In Talabathi, our hero was prepared to give his life to his buddy. Who cares that no-good buddy made him a promise to marry the widow of a scumbag he had just killed after the credit sequence. Would you give your life to you friend? My wife and mother maybe. But my butt scratching, boozing, joke telling buddy? No way.

The buddy factor emerges again in Thiruda Thiruda.Sure, the annoying love triangle was there, but they did end up with good compromise, instead of killing each other as we still read about in the papers.

Likewise, take Iruvar for instance. It’s another long ode to friendship, too long to be comfortable. Prakashraj’s unnecessarily long soliloquy at the end of the film sound more fitting for a lover than  friend.

Aytha Ezhuttu specifically focusses on three man and how their paths cross each other. Females are there just to be smacked around, or to provoke you to jump on a bridge divider like an idiot.

The irony is, his wife, Suhasini, is known for portraying strong feminine characters and is herself is symbol of feminisim.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not telling that Mani is a terrible director. In fact, he is good. He was a trendsetter, clearly putting more emphasis on style over substance. He did what Sergio Leone did back in days over the western hemisphere. The cinematography in his film are iconic, as are the sharp editing and both Ilayaraja and AR Rahman gave some of their best compositions, both songs and background scores, in Mani Rathnam’s films. Even the crappy Ravanan revelled in gorgeous cinematography and good music.

Mani also extracted good performances from his actors, though minimalism have accidentally reduced many performances to woodenism. Kamal, Rajini proved that while they were making entertainers they still have it in them as great disciples of Balachander and Sivaji Ganesan in Mani’s films.

Entertaining as some of these films are, they are not great. The controversies in the film was basically the background subject itselves, like the so-called terrorism trios (Roja, Bombay, Dil Se). His film has not conveyed any controversial messages as I doubt if Mani even has some political opinions that he would like to impose in those flicks.

As far as controversy is concerned, Mani is like that kid trying to light the fuse of firecrackers only to run back many times thinking he has lit it. Mani has not lit any firecrackers. Plus he has been running to and fro so often that he forgot someone else has taken the goddam firecrackers and blew the shit out of it.

A Very Lame Post

This is Mr Lame Duck. Say hi to Lame, kids.

Though there are loads of work to do, it’s an hour and fifteen minutes to the beginning of a weekend. Plus, my blog post lately has mostly been on Tamil films. Shouldn’t it be about some crazy wolf, some news shit, you know things that contribute to the society besides low-fat yoghurt.

So I thought I comment on the world event today as per Google News.

On the top left corner Google news listed some names, let me comment.

Mitt Romney: How do you introduce him? Hi Alice, meet err…Mitt Romney.

Roger Federer: He always wants to be better. His brother was probably Roger Feder.

Tim Woods: Don’t get me started on puns related to his name. What a timber name. Haha. Okay, lame.

Kim Clijsters: Clit what??

Maria Sharapova: She still around?

Vladimir Putin: Tough luck, I ain’t commenting. I value my life.

Ricky Ponting: at what? Oh.

Syria: Burn baby burn.

Bernard Tomic: Imagine his name was Arnold instead. Arnold Tomic. A Tomic.

Brad Pitt: He’s still around?

Okay, Top Stories General.

PM: BN's focus is on long term gains to nation.

Can Najib be more original than issuing statements like this? How about “BN will focus on making chicken rice available at all toll counters”. Jeez, man.

Gillard aide quits after revealing Abbott's location

Monastery? Duh.

IJM and AZRB still awaiting formal letters of award from MRT Corp

More vowels? Jeez, man.

Australia on top as India stare at another embarrassing whitewash

It couldn’t raunchier and racist than that.

Why doesn't Apple have an Asia presence?

Huh? How do you explain all that goddam iPhones that kids earning less than my monkey’s uncle carrying here?

Broad 50 helps England push ahead

If 50 is broad, how would you describe 100? Obese?

Okay, Malaysian top stories now

Defence fails to prove cop gave contradictory testimony

Ah, murder trial. When are going to get headlines like, “cop confessed and ripped off defence lawyers head after becoming huge and green”. Jeez, man.

Liong Sik's cheating case ruling deferred

I’d retitle this as “Liong Sik’s cheating case ruling deferred and defecated”, and watch the clicks pouring in.

Dr Mahathir Conferred Honarary Doctorate In Thailand

Does that make him Dr. Dr. Mahathir. What did he do to Thailand?

We move to top southeast Asia news now.

Poachers get a taste for elephant meat

Which part? There, you dirty brained readers.

PHL sees expanded US military ties keeping China aggression at bay

Fight fire with fire. Get some Rottweilers, now that’s aggression.

Two Uighurs deported from Cambodia to China get life

“Get a life” eh?. Must be hardcore Vijay fans.

Australian rescued after boat capsizes

Southeast Asia – region of boat capsizes. Come and get capsized. Jeez, man.

Things are getting better, we are now looking at top World news now.

Rio de Janeiro's infrastructure is questioned after building collapse

As usual, prevention if better after the patient kicked the bucket.. Jeez, man.

65 DEAD IN SYRIA AFTER YESTERDAY'S BRUTAL REPRESSION

No comment.

Sixteen kilograms of cocaine seized at UN

There you go, explains what those buggers been doing.

South Korean Charity Delivers Food to North Korea

Aw, that’s touching. Wonder if arsenic is part of the ingredients.

Now, we move on to the wonderfully dull world of Business news.

IJM and AZRB still awaiting formal letters of award from MRT Corp

Jeez, man. Get a vowel, get a frickin vowel!

Rise in sugar subsidy to ease burden of the people

And kill them with diabetes. Cool.

Cuepacs chief wants more of his officers on remuneration review committee

How do you spell that? Renumer…remine…ramone….

Nokia to expand its smartphone market, plans to overtake RIM

Good to know that you are overtaking Recording Industry of Malaysia.

Samsung Galaxy Note spills its guts

Took two days to clean the mess I heard.

Now the news that I totally don’t give a damn about…Sports.

Australian Open: Madam Meltdown takes major step

Wow, that’s sounds dangerous. Radioactive?

Liverpool v Manchester United: striker Wayne Rooney an injury doubt for FA Cup ...

What kinda headline is that. Is he doubting whether he’d be injured during the match? Or he himself is a doubtable character except the doubt is not strong, just injury. Jeez, man.

Australian Open 2012: Roger Federer stays upbeat despite another grand slam ...

Are they still open?

Pacesetter Rory McIlroy still wary of Tiger Woods

I know, right? The man is probably looking at your wife this instant. Quick.

Okay, now on to the news that I used to give a damn about, Entertainment.

Prosperity toss

How do you toss a goddam prosperity. Put some coins, notes, jewellery in the bowl and toss them. Screw you, news editor.

Michael Jackson's legacy cemented by children

Yeah,the story got something to do with cement. What if they build a statue for him. “Michael Jackson’s legacy erected by…”?

Next on is my favourite these days. Yes, it’s about Science where the headlines scream of innovations, inventions, and wonders of technology that made mankind progress by leaps and bounds and the first headline is…

Canadian teens launch Lego man into space

Oookay….

I’ll not click the “more science stories” part and go to the last section that has nothing to do with me, Health.

Nursery, childcare centre sealed for 21 days

And put in the fridge for freshness. Grouch, you are justifying this post’s title.

France: Ex-head of breast implant firm charged

Why, it was firm, wasn’t it?

Thanks for reading this very lame post. Have a great weekend and don’t forget to donate some goddam Vowels for IJM and AZRB. Jeez, man.

Vettai: Proof that we still need Madhavan whether we suck as audience or not.

In a crucial scene from director Linggusamy’s Vettai, actor Madhavan gets off his wheelchair, stood up with a broken leg and even climbs over a very tall fence to save his brother. It was a very stupid scene. A scene that I would have laughed at, smacked my forehead and blame my nausea for and probably even provoked me to leave the cinema – but Madhavan made me bite my nails.

A get-rich-quick silly commercial fare, Vettai would not have worked if it was not Madhavan playing a cowardly cop, living in the glory of his brother helping to save cases, beating up cops.

Two decades ago, K. Bagyaraj played double role of twin brothers where cowardly cop Bagyaraj was helped by his twin brother and he gets the glory. In Vettai, a character actually mentions the name of the movie “Ragasiya Police”. It was supposed to be a reworking of an abandoned project that MGR did years before.

This time, same story, different actors, bigger budget. No MGR.

Ragasiya Police worked because of funny Bagyaraj. This movie worked because of not only a funny Madhavan, but because he is a good actor, we tend to follow his trials and tribulations of his cowardly character.

This character, Inspector Thirumoorthy, needs Madhavan the actor. Many films needed Rajini and Kamal, but all they got was poor man’s Rajini and sewage cleaner’s Kamal. This role needs someone with very easy sense of humour and who go one step up and give his own take. Madhavan was the man for it, and director Linggusamy was fortunate to have him on board.

I am not saying that it only need Madhavan. As cocky, brave, superheroic brother, Aarya did a fantastic job.I always liked Aarya and even liked his performance in the much loathed Sarvam . There was no need to establish scenes to show how much he loves his brother Madhavan, and people won’t have to suspend their belief to accept both of them as brothers. Aarya has his own niche in humour and is used well here.

In fact, there was more humour quotient that I expected. The girls, played by Sameera Reddy and Amala Paul, gets to be funny thanks to the script. And I have not laughed at Nasser since Avvai Shanmugi as I did here. And I have not laughed at a fight scene other than ones involving Kamal and Rajini, Aarya’s one-liners and puns reminded me of the glory days of Connery/Bond dropping them off after a tense action scene.

Still, without Madhavan, this film will be another Linggusamy’s young bloke against big gangster group story that he keep churning up again and again. Without Madhavan breathing life to a Vadiveloo/Vivek cowardly cop type, I would not have the goose bumps when he comes back and whops ass. Even my baby was stirring in the mother’s womb. Seriously.

Actually it was punching and kicking her, poor wifey. Never mind, Madhavan eased her pain.

Anyway, this is Madhavan, perhaps the most versatile actor of his generation. Put him anywhere, he delivers the good. He has done variety of roles in variety of genre. One thing that gets him ahead of the so-called “stars” of his generation is that he had done a successful horror film.

Yeah, the kind of film I loath. In fact, Yavarum Nalam (13B in Hindi) was a cheap, gimmick-ladden, clichéd Asian horror type of film that I would have laughed off, but got me gripped for Madhavan’s performance alone.

Here’s a message to Tamil filmmakers. Sure, Madhavan got no ambition. He doesn’t want to be the next Kamal (no longer his guru, but, officially, his God) or the next Superstar (dream on you Rajini wannabes), he just. I don’t know. He doesn’t even drink like his character does in Manmadhan Ambu  (a film watchable for him alone….ouch…okay since my wife insist, watchable for Kamal and him) for us to milk a confession from him (Maybe, “I want to be next Prabhu” Okay, Madhavan, two plane seats reservation is expensive).

But please use him. Use him in any film you want and he would fit in and give his best and give some more. This is one of the most clichéd, knuckleheaded masala film that I have watched that I want to watch again because Madhavan and Arya. Especially Madhavan.

Old Grouch Fable Collection pt1

The Strange Orange Cat.

One day a strange Orange cat came to the Catville. The other cats walked over to him and said, “boy, that’s strange”.

The strange Orange cat didn’t understand that. “Dear brethren, what art thou meaneth by being strangeth?” he asked.

“Well for a start, you talk strange. I mean, who speaks like that anymore,” said one of the cat, the older one. He had a Hitler moustache and a Calvin Klein eyepatch, though it read Kevin Kline.

“Alright, I speak the way you speak, which is the way the village idiot back in hometown speaks,” said the strange orange cat.

“Who are you calling Village?” shouted a young cat, a rebel cat.

“Calm down,” said the strange orange cat as he pointed its index finger ala-jedi, only quick to realise that it has mere paws. The rebel actually calmed down, sucking his mother’s milk.

“Your bearing,” said the older cat, “it’s strange”.

Realised what they were talking about, the strange orange cat launched, “that’s right folks! Come over. I have here some ball bearings you can use to replace your old ones in your vehicles. These may look strange but they are awesome…”

Moral of the story: Never judge the cover by its book. Both may not be related to each other, but boy, does it have a story to tell.

The Stubbon Octopus

Mother and Father Octopus had a big headache in their, well, if you call that gigantic alien head thingy head. Their son is stubborn.

“You are stubborn, junior,” the dad told him after helping himself to a scuba diver. “Why are you so stubborn,” he asked after picking a piece of oxygen tank off his teeth.

“How do I know? Where do you think I inherited it from? The cuttlefish?” the son retorted. There was a gulping sound, though he was not sure where it came from.

“You can’t be stubborn all the time, junior,” said the red-faced Mother Octopus. “Even god took a break on Sundays.

“That explains,” exclaimed Father Octopus, raising all its seven arms (he lost one during the 7 Days Octopus/Scallop War). “Junior was born on Sunday!” He hi-fived with his wife, though Mother Octopus’ eighth arm slipped and slapped him in the face.

Moral of the story: Answers to some mysteries should come within. Like checking stuff out in the toilet if you forgot what you ate yesterday.

The Sleepy Snake.

On one fine morning where rain didn’t threaten to fall and flood the entire jungle, a young tree frog was leaping towards the jungle Cafeteria. The menu was themed Lobster and it brought with it extra butter.

But it literally stumbled into something causing the butter hit a chameleon which immediately roasted its own tail smothered in butter and ate gleefully.

The “thing” that the frog stumbled on was a snake! Frightened it froze, and it admitted itself into a microwave to thaw. It came back and looked at what frightened him. The snake was there and it was snoring.

Thoroughly embarrassed, the frog woke the snake up using a .45 Smith & Wesson shot in the air, killing the chameleon instantly (Funeral day will be announced shortly).

The bang woke the snake up. “Why didn’t you, like, give me a chase or something? I would have escaped and have an awesome table conversation with my buddies over lunch.”

The snake said, “I was cursed. I was supposed to sleep for 200 years before a fairy serpent comes to take me away”

“Oh crap,” said the frog realising that he shouldn’t have interrupted the snake, “I broke the curse. What will happen, now?”

The snake shook a little, looked up in the sky fearfully and said, “It’s going to rain, let’s go and grab some lunch.”

“Sure,” said the frog and both headed to the Cafeteria.

Moral of the story: Lobster is the key to the happiness of many

The mute goat.

The mute goat made its living by selling dried fish in the vegetable market. It did poorly as, though it knows sign language, using front hoofs make it fall forward and hurt its chin.

It was always in pain and it tells itself, “Bear, bear” to bear the pain. That’s why goats make that sound. Get it? Beaaarrr.

One day the owner of the market came to the mute goat and said, “Look, you need to pay the rent. So do something about your fall and sign-language thingy, most patrons think you are begging. By the way, this is a vegetable market. Hullo? I see you here with those dried fishes, you don’t want to know where I’m gonna shove it in and trust me the Brahmins aunties won’t like it either”.

The goat was very sad. Selling dried fish is the only way to make a living, though some of his friends suggested equally thankless jobs sanitation worker or being a prime minister.

One day it went to the mountain to see the wise and sage mountain goat. It explained its problem. The mountain goat said, “Go back to your routine tomorrow, your problem solved!”

The next day it went to the market and started to sell the dried fish. As client came and he lifted his hoofs, it fell forward. This time the pain was minimal. There was pain, but not like before. Why? Voila! It had grown a beard on its chin to cushion the impact of the fall. The goats you see these days are all from common ancestor, ie the mute goat.

Moral of the story: What moral? Old Grouch was just giving you the origin story. Does it have to have message all the time?

The series has been continued after 13 years. Here are the other parts:

Old Grouch Fable Collection Part 2

Old Grouch Fable Collection Part 3

Old Grouch Fable Collection Part 4

Old Grouch Fable Collection Part 5

History of home and why bears made cave inhabitable.

Note: Wrote this for the bosses to evaluate the writing style for the new property guide book we are working on. Its supposed to be light-hearted with a dash of humour. No comments so far.

Early days there was no such thing as home. Home or property were unheard of during men evolved into homo sapiens, real estate back then was just a dude pointing to a plantation saying, “Look, a real estate.”

The early form of people roamed around and ate what they can wherever they are, sort of what we do when we hit the highway. It was not clear if they actually sought to reside on a tree ala chimpanzee or gorillas, but we are very certain that if they did they didn’t share the bathroom with the neighbours Mr and Mrs. Gorilla.

Great, great ancestors and cave (the ones without bat dung hopefully)

When our great great ancestors decided that they are going to ascend to the ground from living in the tree, they were immediately eaten by sabre-toothed tiger. Those who survived it went on to look for home that can shelter them against all sort of weather. Soon, they found caves where they were immediately eaten by hibernating bear.

But cave was beginning of what would be known as home, as clearly evidenced by archaeological discovery of bones of men inside bones of bear. It was in cave that archaeologist’s found many obscure instruments including weapons to fend off ferocious creatures like the abovementioned tiger, bear or in-laws.

Historians argue that cave dwelling could have begun during the early Neolithic period around 7000 – 6000 BC. When we checked last, they are still arguing and might also take up arm. But as Neolithic era also saw men building houses though at the same time people were still living in cave, tent and extreme poverty.

Great, great ancestors building houses (that probably had bat or other type of dung)

Historian, when they are not arguing, estimated that house building began in Egypt and West Asia probably about 10,000 BC and in Greece about 6000 BC. Alright there seemed to be conflict on the date, so they may still be arguing after all. While they were at it, the English came to the party late and only build houses at 3000 BC.

To the uninitiated, BC years are kinda backwards. The more the number the further away the year is. Of course, the next question is, if a dude was born in 3000 BC and at 2990 BC, would he be ten years younger? The BC dudes and gals were lucky, weren’t they? We can imagine the following conversation at a birthday party:

Gal: Dude how “young” are you?

Dude: I am 80 years young (then clutches his chest and collapses)

Difference houses including the ones that kept blown away

Okay, back to the house.

The kinda houses they had back then depended on where the location was. The weather made lots of difference.  In Northern Europe and Northern China, they build what was referred to as “hearth houses” which were huts with one square or round room (think studio apartment) and a fire on a stone hearth in the middle, this to heat up the room as well as to do weekly barbecue (except the Heinz sauce was not invented yet).

The smoke goes out through the thatched or shingled roof. Often animals are kept in the room with the people, for warmth. And depending on the animal, the human are kept in the room for good diet.

Please note that chimneys were not yet invented so we assume that Santa Clause made his entry, embarrassingly enough, by knocking on the front door.

The weather is different in Egypt and West Asia, as well as in Southern China and possibly this author’s living room, whereby it was hot all the time, and you can’t get wood. So, they use mud brick and were basically just wall with flat roof where they can sleep and expose themselves again to cool night and wakeup with pneumonia.

Beginning of the modern house, or, wait for it.

Semblance to modern housing could have begun somewhere around 3000 BC itself where Eastern Meditteraneanan and West Asia had richer folks and they built better and bigger houses, not unlike now where some mansions look like they were built for that beanstalk giant. Or Godzilla.

In the meantime, the Greece folks were building “megaron” houses that transforms into a gigantic Trojan horse…wait, that’s a Transformer. A megaron house, boringly were the ones with one or two rooms and pillars in front making a porch.

It seems the bigger houses also have nice brick floors, and built-in benches and cupboards, and painted walls, and tiled roofs, and lots of people in airy toga.

So, there you go some basic information about houses back then. Of course, history did not stop there, and it ain’t stopping now either. It’s getting late and we need to get home. If only someone chase away the hibernating bear in it.

RetroReview: Ayiram Jenmanggal (1978)

The title refers to “thousand reincarnation”. It’s a line by the films supposed protagonist, future nAttamai, Vijaya Kumar, to his lover, saying that it doesn’t matter how many reincarnation they take, he will continue to love her. I’d say, this, provided they are born again in the same specie. What if Vijaya Kumar was born again as a platypus and the girl a Mongolian giraffe? Not a nice thought, but you know, love makes one a bad scriptwriter.

Despite getting third billing in the credit, the real star of this film is Rajinikanth. Yes, the same man who appeared in all my previous RetroReviews. For newer Rajini fans, this film is kinda pre-cursor to Chandramukhi - that insipid, manipulative film that was even insulting to semi-literates like me, which proved that given an opportunity, a director as vacuous as P. Vasu can make Rajini and Prabhu combination useless.

So, this film is about spiritual possession or soul taking over another body. Whatever. No, nobody gets to do 360 degrees head swirl, or puke out pea-soup. The subject of the possession is Vijaya Kumar’s wife, played by second billed Latha, and the one occupying her body is the spirit of the abovementioned lover who apparently died. We later find out that she was almost raped, died exposing her bra.

Rajini plays Singapore return brother of Latha. Or was it US? But he got back from somewhere to spent time with his sister and brother-in-law. The director, perhaps not knowing that Rajini is a goddamn good actor, got him to wear a pair of glasses, which Rajini takes off and puts it back on to show that he’s thinking. It’s not any ordinary glasses by the way. It was the kind worn in the 70s, where not only the lens provides excellent vision to the eyes, but also the eyebrows. The extra-vision eyebrows was the one probably highlighted Rajini that the sister was no longer the sister. It was the girl who died with exposed bra (GWDWEB).

Rajini does some serious investigation with his glasses off and on, and doing lots of cloak and dagger type of movement within the bungalow of his sister/brother-n-law. You would have seen this when Tom the cat was stalking silently to capture Jerry the mouse. He gets hold of a cassette apparently of Vijaya Kumar talking lovingly to GWDWEB. He confronts Vijaya Kumar and we are promptly given a flashback for us to finally use the fast-forward button.

In what one might refer to, pseudo-scientifically as, occupational hazard, by occupying Latha’s body, the GWDWEB had basically checked out Latha’s soul. The latter would appear right before the climax in front of the GWDWEB’s mother. It’s like days after Latha was possessed, and we, viewers, have no idea where her soul was. Maybe hanging out at Souled out café. Haha. Okay, only Malaysians will get that crack.

So, GWDWEB has plan to make love to the future nAttamai so she can go on living, but she got to do it in five days, failing which she plans to also kill the Vijaya Kumar so that they can happily live in the afterlife. Rajini got to know that and he proceeds to stop both of them from consuming their love. Awesome brother. To the point he resorts to arson! Nothing like a good burning house to keep the couples apart.

Like any good rent-avoiding spirit, the GWDWEB outtricks Rajini by putting, what looks like two big undisolvable aspirins in Rajini’s tea and his visually enhanced eyebrows failed to notice that. Rajini promptly goes to sleep while the couple proceeds to consummate their love. It was the family dog, which turned up from nowhere, that came to the rescue by barking to  awaken Rajini. No effect, Rajini’s sound asleep. But one tug at his bell bottom pant, the man sprang to action. It was not called “bell” bottom for no reason. Suddenly the dog is turned into Rajini’s sidekick, as he throttled his bike on to prevent the couple, and the faithful dog running by his side. Poor dog, his master didn’t even give him a ride.

I won’t spoil it for you, but you will kinda figure out how the story is resolves as in the climax we learn that the GWDWEB spirit is afraid of both God and doG. Waitaminute….Anyway, in between tense episodes, you get bunch of comedy scenes involving Surulirajan, Manorama and V.K. Ramasamy. Only VKR is effective…as usual. MSV did the music, and as he was during that era, it was loud mostly. The haunting Venmegame song stands out, the rest are forgettable.

The movie isn’t dated badly. The visual effects for the apparitions are quite good, though most of the time the hovering spirits looked like spilled milk. Vijaya Kumar sulks a lot, and already proves that he’s never going to be a cinema big wig, despite the fact that he wore a big wig. Latha’s as good as any actress of that era proved, preparing for matronly roles.

Rajini, when not doing the glasses thing, does make us curious as to how he’s going to resolve the whole GWDWEB issue. But he does look out of his place though, a good example is one folk dance song routine where he was just a spectator, and towards the end of the song he joins in the dance. While the rest were following the rhythm, in the groove, he looked like he’s swatting a fly, brushing off a mosquito and avoiding a bee.  

Aside: Wife said Rajini looks really good here, and even has nice costume. I disagree. Not with that bell bottoms. Any bell bottoms. End of aside.

A good lazy Sunday afternoon watch. It would be nice if Rajini and the sidekick dog went on to make a sequel, where the dog gets possessed instead. 

Tamil caption didn't say, "where's the goddam dog?"

7aum Arivu: A Review

There are movies that move you. That’s why perhaps they are called movies, short for “moving pictures”. There are also movies that make you think. Often way after you have watched it. And then there are movies like that uncle of yours who keep visiting you, taunting you for being so stupid and a loser, when he himself makes a living by cutting grass and has similar intelligence of the grasshoppers that evade his blade.

That was the kind of film 7aum Arivu was for me.

The whole condescending attitude the filmmaker, also the writer, A. R. Murugadoss, reminds me of one of our late grandfather on Deepavali days who sneers at us for being ne-er do well kids while he was high on 50 cent alcohol. It’s sickening, and I wanted to walk out of this movie at three occasions, but two things kept me at the seat.

One was the possible awesome martial arts showdown as promised by the trailer, and second, the debut heroine Shruti Haasan. More on her later.

Interestingly the movie picked up well enough with us following Bodhi Dharma in the 6^th century, an Indian prince who taught the far east the ancient martial arts and medicine. That is about the best part of the film.

The movie then proceeds to present times, and it’s downhill from there. Borrowing from any Dustin Hoffman viral outbreak plotlines, it’s basically about a genetic engineering student with key to the one herbal medicine that can help the disease. An assassin is sent to India from China to spread the disease and he was also to kill the student.

Surya plays Bodhi Dharma and also his direct descendent, Arvind, who is research object to the student, played by Shruti. He first thought that he was having relationship with her, but later left heart-broken when he finds out that he was merely a research subject, but then, who could also possess the knowledge his ancestor had.

Surya, when not performing his usual six-pack porn, is fine here but was thoroughly wasted. He looked great as Bhodi Dharma, a sagely prince in the 6th century who shares same hairdresser as Gene Simmons and succumbs to male pattern baldness at later stage.

An agile and physical actor, I hoped to see Surya engaging in some batshit insane whop-ass martial art as I seriously (and foolishly, knowing this industry) thought this was an all-out martial arts movie. Apart from the interesting martial arts scene during the 6^th century episode, the present day Surya he spend time running away from the bad guy and poor CG shots.

And the bad guy, some guy with penile name. Apparently he knows this special martial, which uses hypnotism. But it looked more like Sideways Stare Martial Arts (SSMA). Sure, we see him practising kung-fu on his own. But most of the action scenes involving him see him using SSMA. One SSMA has cops shooting each other. Oh, more SSMA has nut-munching knucklehead reveal informations. More SSMA, he gets some peanuts treat. No buttkicking. Only staring sideways.  And when it came to the final showdown…what a bummer.

The biggest asset to this film is, of course, Shruti Haasan. What a revelation. And what a breath of fresh air. The industry was plagued with non-entities appearing has heroines for too long. It’s time to stop. Beginning with Kushboo and her temple, and the acknowledgment of standard nose-flarer Simran as a great actress, and letting walking totem pole named Trisha to continue do her business, we have steadily been making steps backwards in this department. Let me not even get started with the occasional visiting self-cleansing mannequin named Mrs. Bachchan.

There are bunch of wonderful actresses making the industry to sit up and notice. Anjali and Amala Paul comes to my mind, but they seemed to be lacking something. Something I believe Shruti Haasan has.

I mean, this film is filled with plenty of exposition, and pages of dialogues and most of it had to be handled by her character. And wow, she just pulls it off beautifully. Especially when she has to churn out some half-baked scientific mumbo-jumbo and tell off some whiny old farts who dismisses Tamil. She’s just so convincing.

In another scene, she actually moved me. She cries when she knews that inevitably her colleague is going to be killed, and even though the pal was some curly haired douchebag that I didn’t care for, I was moved by her tears. No contemporary actress had ever had that affect on me.

Anyway, back to the film. The scene after the climax just felt so wrong even in a bad film like this. If we wanted to be lectured, we go back to college. Stick to entertainment, A.R. Murugadoss. Oh yeah, there are the songs as usual, and they are a proof that however influential audiences are to the industry, the filmmakers just hate us. And in the middle of all the rambling, grumbling, SSMAing, we hear what sounds like Harris Jeyaraj composing for Ernest Goes to China movie. Harris, the party was over like four or five years ago. Get it? Hint, hint. Nudge, nudge.

Wel, whatever Murugadoss’ fault is, at least I’d like to thank him for introducing Shruti to us. Sure, she’s Kamal’s daughter, but she is now part of the Tamizh film fraternity and we welcome her with open arms.

This remind me of thirty years ago when we welcomed a chubby actor named Prabhu Ganesan. Heard his dad was not a bad actor.

Actual Bhodi Dharma and his, err, one pack.

The Perilous Journey of Kamal Fans.

Kamal, not looking at his fans.

Back in the 80s, a regional Indian movie magazine, imaginatively titled, Indian Movie News, featured an interview with actor Kamal Haasan. The headline, “Kamal: I want to be a director”, and the pix have the dashing handsome actor peering painfully through a view finder. No prizes for guessing what image they would have included if the headline screamed “Kamal: I want to be a dishwasher”. It was a simpler time.

As a fan, I waited and waited, and what we got was an assortment of films that continued with what he felt he needed to contribute to the 80s beside dry-blown hair and Tom Selleck moustache. It was not until the late 90s, and after making accusation that he ghost directed some of the fine films followed, that we actually saw him helm the megaphone and directed the hirsute epic, Hey Ram – a brilliant film technically with fantastic script featuring a protagonist who is as interesting as a shoe rack.

Then, it was back to actor and scriptwriter for hire routine, until the equally brilliant Virumandi that he directed with gutso and features an awesomely grounded protagonist, and it will not be until next year that we will finally see another film he directed. The 80s promise he delivered in three instalment in three decades. He could have been the greatest director even in the industry if he had decided to also be behind the camera and take the credit for it, goddamit. Instead, the title supposedly went to a Bollywood pleaser.

Speaking of which, he could have made Tamizh films so awesome that it would have grabbed Hollywood by its collar, bitch-slapped it and made it bow to the master. Instead, of Oscars for Kamal the actor and filmmaker, we see him receiving Vijay awards, a function so insipid that they’d tailor make awards every year for the brilliant start (Suggestion to Vijay TV award committee next year: “Best actor to not star in the best film category”).

Furthermore, if his recent bomb, Manmadha Ambu is of any example, then fans’ expectation is the least of his concern. In fact, it seems that Kamal who declared that he was his own number one fan and critic, decided to listen to the man in the mirror.

Well, that’s telling so much for Kamal fans. The point is, life as a Kamal fan, it seems, is about as smooth as riding down a T-Rex’s tail naked.

But fans should understand something, he was his own man. He does whatever he damn well pleases. And he started early, very early dammit that he is not going to shed tears behind the keyboard because some fanboys were disappointed.

Making his debut as a child artist in 1959, Steadily, he appeared alongside giants like Sivaji Ganesan and MGR (first film was with Gemini Ganesan and Savithiri, if those two are not top profile enough), and there was no room for the kid to take to any of the camps.

Immediately, his love for multiple roles and stunts were implanted in his preteen brains when in Parthal Pasitheerum (Sivaji and Gemini), he did double role and in climax had to hang on to his dear life over a bridge. Take that, Jackie Chan.

He evolved slowly, sucking in the environment and picking up things from his seniors (acting from Sivaji, and showing off dance/stunts from MGR). Disappearing for awhile, though not from stage literally as he joined TKS Brother’s stage troupe, he appeared momentarily in a Jai Shankar movie, Manavan, in a song sequence, lip-synching, guitar strumming, and step dancing fresh faced boy and disappeared again….

…only to reappear as Sivaji’s pair of feet for a complex tap dancing sequence (PattikAdA PattanamA), and Kamal was the assistant choreographer that time, as well as assistant to some directors. Career behind the camera looked prominent, until he, now a handsome young man, appeared in K. Balachander’s Aranggetram as one of the supporting characters. Folks were pleasantly surprised. “Is that the boy who appeared with MGR in Anandha Jodhi?” “Is that the boy who sang, Ammavum Neeye?” “What’s up with showing your body off, dude?”

And whaddya know, Kamal abandoned clipboards, and dancing shoes, and embraced the might of movie star as strings of K. Balachander films showcased his acting chops. In the 70s Kamal was de Niro to Scorcese’s K.B, and the comparison does not stop there

Aside: In an early movie, a supporting cast remarks, “Wow, who’s the good looking man? Looks like Robert De Niro”, and I am sure it was Kamal, who’s absorbing the world of Hollywood at that time,  who fed the line to the actress. I mean, I can understand if it the good look at that time was compared to Robert Redford or even Paul Newman of the 70s. Bobby De Niro? Travis Bickle? End of aside.

And he went on to do what a growing young actor would, grab any offers coming along the way, creating the Romance Prince (Kathal Ilavarasan) persona with that smoldering good looks, with the kind of intimacy the censorship (or the involved actress) would allow at that time. He was alternating between making films for so-called auters like K.B, Bharathiraja and Balu Mahendran, and going for broke making entertainers for the likes of G. Renggarajan, and later S.P. Muthuraman.

Then, suddenly the inevitable happened; he was given the National Award for best actor in 1983 for Mundram Pirai. The National Award Committee, which turned the blind eye on Sivaji Ganesan, finally recognised a Tamil actor, though they could have easily picked Kamal as the candidate for his roles in Pathinaru Vayathinile, Uyarnthavargal, Maroo Charithira and the fantastic Sigappu Rojakkal, where the industry was seeing their first psychotic women serial rapist/killer, a total reversal of his Prince of Romance image. National Award committee, of course, is synonym for selected amnesia.

As a followup he did Sagar Sanggamam, playing a washed up drunk cultural critic who was once an aspiring Bharatha Natyam dancer. National Award committee was nowhere to be seen as they would for the next few years. What happened here onwards proves that for once, Kamal is deciding for himself, not fans expectation having won the so-called prestigious awards.

Let’s not even talk about Hindi films where he had started venturing few years ago (and roasted his co-stars, that’s a different story), he went haywire with 13 films in 1982 alone, with genres as varying as current Pizza Hut menu. There were hits and misses, but one humongous hit called Sakalakala Vallavan, a total entertainer would trap him in stardom forever. It was basically an MGR film (in fact, a remake of an Old MGR flick Periya Idattu Penn)

No matter which artist colonies he haunts, no matter which classy joints he frequents, no matter which maestros he hangs out with, the stench of heroism entertainers would pull him back, no thanks to the MGR ghosts that haunts him till today (find me a total negative, bad to the bone Kamal character since then, then I’ll give you the other unutilised 55% Kamal Haasan the actor).

Witness the Tamil films he did afterwards; Toonggathey Thambi Toonggathey, a giddy better remake of his earlier Kalyanaraman which was remake of MGR’s Engga Veettu Pillai. More MGResque multiple role (the second role back for revenge) Enakkul Oruvan, a Hindi remake that was not quite up to mark, but displayed Kamal’s fascination with make-up (he was as much Nepali as John Wayne was as a  Monggol); Kakkichattai was a cop movie produced by MGR’s company, and there was no shortage of MGR posters in the film, and Kamal even prays to a still of a cop character played by MGR.

Then, there were a slew of movies that the seed it grew from didn’t fall far from MGR’s mould, like Andha Oru Nimidham a majestic screen fart from Major Sunderajan; Manggama Sabatham (double roles, one good another an idiot); Jappanil Kalyanaraman, a travel show sequel (homage to MGR’s Japan from Ulagam Sutrum Valiban), and Vikram, a low-rent James Bond movie, a high tech version of MGR’s Ragasiya Police 115.

And only a few years ago he won the National Award.

But Kamal was in a show-off mode, not so much on the acting part. If there was any show-off in the Tamizh film industry, after MGR, it has to be him. Dance? What dance you want, he showed them all except, maybe, breakdance. But that belongs to douchebags. Martial Arts? Whatever Jackie Chan has done, well, he tried to do the same, including the stunts which he did himself mostly (I heard there are more metal parts in him than the Terminator).

But something happened in 1987, that Kamal shed off his MGR suit. That was the year when Nayagan blew our minds away. It was time for Kamal to relish his own fanhood, with his performance picking up from all the Corleones (Marlon, Bob and Al), though all three can never do romance as only Kamal can with his scenes with Saranya. The film won him a National Award for acting again. Remember National Award? Yeah, back from vacation.

It was probably here where Kamal stopped looked back and thought, “Andha Oru Nimidham? I might as well doubled for Vijayakanth’s legs”. And steered his career away and did three “serious” films, Sathya, Soorasamharam and Unnal Mudiyum Thambi, all which were miserable flops. All these adds to the baffling his career in 80s. Earlier he even produced a Malayalam remake, this time casting flavour of the season, Sathyaraj as prostitute visiting, drinking tough cop in Kadamai Kanniyam Kattupadu. Verdict: flop. Though the film packed an interesting punch.

But 1989 was going to change all that, both Apoorva Sahotharargal and Vetri Vizha were success, and they were as different as day and light. What followed is an amazing switch of genres, brilliantly created characters, that further stamped Kamal as a talent to be reckoned with.  Brilliant double role in Indiran Chandran, four roles in Michael Madana Kamaraj, the celestial Guna, rollicking fun Singaravelan, and the epic Thevar Magan where he turned young punks attention to the grace of Nadigar Thilagam Sivaji Ganesan. Intentional or not, there was passing of baton from Sivaji to Kamal.

But I disagree that Kamal is the next Sivaji. Bullshit. Kamal is Kamal. There can be only one Sivaji, and the proper heir is supposed to be Kamal’s buddy/rival Rajini if he had not decided to please ten year olds and the ten year olds in us. Kamal may have Sivaji’s influence, but there are more to him than Sivaji. There’s Chaplin, Sellers, the Corleone bunch mentioned earlier, and the whole host of screenwriters, novelists, great directors as we will soon after he astounded us with the brilliant script for Thevar Magan.

And what a followup when Mahanadhi, an epic journey that continued to question humanity and our moral values, was followed by a remake from Hindi, Kuruthi Punal, which the original director himself said was better than his. Totally devoid of songs, the thriller further explored Kamal’s interest in makeup when during the final scene, the brutalised Kamal looked like sexually assaulted water melon.

The same make-up men worked for him in Shankar’s fascist Indian, where he looked like white Californian dried prune and I assure you no more fruty wisecracks. The make-up was a disservice to Kamal’s own talent as it totally blocked his face, giving only the eyes a little room to act. The National Award Committee of course, after having multiple-orgasm, handed out another Best Actor award for probably the first to an actor who spent entire film behind mask. National Award committee. Sigh.

Its make-up time again for Kamal, though it was properly used this time in Avvai Shanmugam, and it will not be twelve years before Kamal and his make-up pals work together. A routine comedy schtick with Kadhala Kadhala was followed by the highly anticipated Hey Ram (he made noises threatening to unleash Marudhanayagam on us, but compromised with this instead).

The film was such a fantastic critical success that most Kamal fans collars resembled erection. Perpetual. Alas, whatever he touched next was underwhelming. A bumbling Tenali, mistreated Alavandhan, effective but not great comedies Pammal K. Sambandhan and Panchatanthiram (great on their own, but pales to his earlier better works), perking up a little bit with Anbe Sivam and second stint as director in Virumandi.

Then, down the escalator with pedestrian remake, Vasool Raja M.B.B.S, so and so heist caper, Mumbai Xpress, and decent thriller Vettaiyadu Vilayadu, though detractors cry remake seeing the plot similarity with the director, Gautham’s, earlier film Kaaka Kaaka. Confusing genre with storyline, it’s like both films are like Orange and Apple, and they say “hey, both are fruits. Copycat!”

The he probably woke up one day and realised that, “damn, I was supposed to be a damned good actor. And how many roles did the worlds greatest actor did? Nine? I’ll top that,” and wrote himself ten roles for the movie Dasavatharam, an excess with continued horrible use of prostethic make-up and poor CGI, benefiting largely from fast-paced funny script.

Back as producer and actor for hire in entertaining, but supposedly inferior remake of a Hindi film, Unnaipol Oruvan where he just sat around and scratched his beard while Mohanlal does lots of sneering. And early this year he joined force with K.S. Ravi Kumar in Manmadha Ambu where, for the first time after Ninaittale Inikkum, I liked the supporting star than the man himself.

Few years time he’d be pushing the big 6-0. How do we look back at his career. His body of work that seemed to be mostly overshadowed by Crazy Mohan comedies. But don’t let that fool us, the ones that stand out far overshadows the best of current crop of best actors have contributed. He stands tall. He outstands the best of them all.

But back in some corner, awaits his fans. Cowering, shivering, not sure what to expect of their idol, most of the time they live in frustration. Where’s the Oscar? Where’s the putting of Tamizh film industry in the world map as the place for awesomeness? The truth is, Kamal never promised all that, his talent did. And if his talent says it wants to joint force with Crazy Mohan and Prabhu again, we might as well shut up and enjoy it. Kamal can do any damn thing that pleases him. That’s why, I suppose, we still adore him.

RetroReview: Pudhu Kavidhai (1982)

The movie wastes no time in introducing the hero of this film, played by Rajini (going to be a regular in RetroReview, I guess). It’s motorbike racing. Assembled are bikes that looked like they came straight from All-In-All-Azhaguraja (AIAA) workshop.

Rajini arrives in one wearing what looks like a swimming cap. Or was it his helmet. Then the race begins. The announcer narrates the entire proceeding as if he was telling the Mahabaratha story over the radio.

It would hardly be justifying calling it a race. It was more like a stroll in the park. The racers looks more like rallying for some cause, maybe for better quality bikes.

Rajini himself has to go through some turbulence like the bike not starting (where’s AIAA when you need him). But the filmmaker, sensing that we would dismiss the race as non-race, had the racing bikers to overtake bullock carts. Those speed demons!

Anyway, Rajini wins of course, and receives the price from the films heroine, Jyothi an actress who’s achne spots are more than the number of films she did.

Okay, here’s the thing I disliked about this film. The bike racing and the bike riding was what between a good film that this is and a great film which it could have been. I mean, it could have been okay if the bike was Harley Davidson or the chopper thingy Raghuvaran was bumming about with in Siva. The AIAA bike already looked too old and clumsy when the film first came out.

Back to the movie.

There’s a bit of formula that you know. Girl dislikes boy, boy teachers her lesson, girl likes boy, boy likes girl, and the girl’s mother gets henchmen to beat the living daylights out of the boy’s uncle.

Yeah, played by Tenggai Sreenivasan, he’s the girl’s family driver, and he overhears the part where the girl and her friends discuss how disgustingly black Rajini was (at the beginning, later she embraces black, literally). Angered, he stopped the car he was ferrying them with, gets out, scolds them, and throws in the key, the cap, uniform and…

…thank god he doesn’t remove his pants. If there are still many guys out there in their thirties or forties, still scarred by something that happened in their childhood/youth, to the point that they became homophobic, I got two words: Topless Tenggai (TT).

Anyway, thanks to TT, a sight that also would horrify any decent acne -scarred girls,  TT was punished with whipping to the point that he still got almost topless again due to torn shirt. Hah! You know what happens next, Rajini, after finding out, tears into the rich lady’s bungalow in the AIAA bike, and gives the henchmen who whipped TT, his share of lashing (Rajini usually don’t lash whip, he goes apeshit insane with it).

So, the girl’s mother, played by veteran “please hate me” mother/mother-in-law, Sukumari, harbours hatred towards him. You know, he’s dark-skinned, low-wage earning, AAIA bike riding bloke who has more hair than the all of the Three Stooges combined*.

Aside: Sukumari was shown as evil by the filmmaker by focussing on her fierce looking face, then on the stuffed tiger head in the background, back to her, back to tiger, back to her, back to tiger, back to her, back to….arrrr, I got it Mr. Director, she’s evil! End of aside.

In the meantime, romance developed between Rajini and “scarface” Jyothi. They greet each other with yellow flag, and yell off a mountain to echo “I love you”, kinda 80s version of text messaging and Facebook wall status. And off we go to a beautiful song, “Vellai Pura Ondru”.

Then, the song finishes and usually it’s Rajini back whopping some bad guys’ ass. Nooo…he was still romancing her. Involuntarily I yelled, “hey, the duet finished already-lah”. And voluntarily, with some domestic violence included, my wife yelled, “Let them-lah. What’s your bloody problem?” To those who are new to this blog, my wife is a hardcore fanatic terrorist fan of Rajini and refers to him as “appa” (dad).

And the romance goes on and on and on and on…and I bet the bad guys and henchmen were frustrated and retreated to the nearest tea stall.

Of course the mother being evil, this time she stands next to a full taxidermy tiger, gets to know about this relationship. To summarise the plot at this point, she opposes, then she relents and of course you know she’ll be up to something. You know this not because we have a bit of thinking capability. No, it’s because she was looking fierce besides a stuffed Tiger. Thanks director.

Blah, blah, blah, Rajini gets tied up literally in a chair, and elsewhere Jyothi was getting married. And this henchman, who was supposed to guard the tied up Rajini, wanted something to read. I mean, what else can there be in that room? Bagavad Geetha? Wall Street journal. No, Rajini’s diary of course. He reads it, becomes saddened by Rajini’s plight, and actually releases him.

Imagine if all the heroes carry diaries with them. In fact, Vijayakanth’s films would be quarter its length.

Scene: some goddown, Captain Vijayakanth confronts a Pakistani terrorist

Vijayakanth: Before we indulge in overlong fights, and do unrealistic stunts. Would you like to read my diary?

Pakistani Terrorist: Sure dude. Wait let me hang this AK47. (reads the diary and tears flows free from his eyes) Oh my god, what have I done. Can I be an Indian citizen? Pretty please?

Anyway, Rajini’s too late (it’s that bloody AAIA bike, I tell you. He would have reached faster with a mountain bike) and some junior artist ties Thali around Jyothi’s neck. Too late, dude. As per the norm since the Nageswararao days, he hits the bottle which immediately provides enough testosterone to give him beard overnight.

Cut to present day. He is sulking, and he apparently has a kid, a girl, and wife. And some dude played by Delhi Ganesh fixing things in the house. By chance, Jyothi would be in the same town as he is, working as a teacher. He’s married, she’s married. But he still yearns for her, and what happens?

Well, readers, this is the part where this review will get boring. Not that the scenes are terrible, I have quoted the terrible ones. This is the part where the movie gets awesome. This is the part where you Rajini fans can thump your chest and be proud to call yourselves his fan.

He is simply fantastic. There are long, quiet scenes later in the movie that would have made a hack actor awkward. But Rajini pulls it off professionally; the subtle change of expressions has to be seen to be believed. Especially when both Rajini and Jyothi meet again after the AAIA bike denied Rajini of last minute ass kicking and eloping.

And the ones that catch me off-guard each time I revisit the film is the romance. You would never have seen or would probably never see Rajini this romantic. Wife suggested that he probably did homework by hanging out long hours with Kamal. And the strength of this performance that convinces us on how he could not let her go even after she was married. The last half an hour will really tug your heart, thanks to his and her performance. Yes, all my insults apart, she’s a pretty good actress. Too bad she didn’t have the look to last longer in the industry.

Add that to some nice songs, the sad version of the duet mentioned, Ada Vare Vaa, where Rajini and the girl demonstrates various yoga moves in fast forward, and the beautiful, Vaa Vaa Vasanthame, this is a highly revisitable movie. And close your kids eyes when TT scenes occur.

*currently he has as much as only one of them.

Rajini, Jyothi and one of the many useless vehicles 
in Pudhu Kavithai.