Friday, January 27, 2012

A Very Lame Post

This is Mr Lame Duck. Say hi to Lame, kids.

Though there are loads of work to do, it’s an hour and fifteen minutes to the beginning of a weekend. Plus, my blog post lately has mostly been on Tamil films. Shouldn’t it be about some crazy wolf, some news shit, you know things that contribute to the society besides low-fat yoghurt.

So I thought I comment on the world event today as per Google News.

On the top left corner Google news listed some names, let me comment.

Mitt Romney: How do you introduce him? Hi Alice, meet err…Mitt Romney.
Roger Federer: He always wants to be better. His brother was probably Roger Feder.
Tim Woods: Don’t get me started on puns related to his name. What a timber name. Haha. Okay, lame.
Kim Clijsters: Clit what??
Maria Sharapova: She still around?
Vladimir Putin: Tough luck, I ain’t commenting. I value my life.
Ricky Ponting: at what? Oh.
Syria: Burn baby burn.
Bernard Tomic: Imagine his name was Arnold instead. Arnold Tomic. A Tomic.
Brad Pitt: He’s still around?

Okay, Top Stories General.

PM: BN's focus is on long term gains to nation.
Can Najib be more original than issuing statements like this? How about “BN will focus on making chicken rice available at all toll counters”. Jeez, man.

Gillard aide quits after revealing Abbott's location
Monastery? Duh.

IJM and AZRB still awaiting formal letters of award from MRT Corp
More vowels? Jeez, man.

Australia on top as India stare at another embarrassing whitewash
It couldn’t raunchier and racist than that.

Why doesn't Apple have an Asia presence?
Huh? How do you explain all that goddam iPhones that kids earning less than my monkey’s uncle carrying here?

Broad 50 helps England push ahead
If 50 is broad, how would you describe 100? Obese?

Okay, Malaysian top stories now

Defence fails to prove cop gave contradictory testimony
Ah, murder trial. When are going to get headlines like, “cop confessed and ripped off defence lawyers head after becoming huge and green”. Jeez, man.

Liong Sik's cheating case ruling deferred
I’d retitle this as “Liong Sik’s cheating case ruling deferred and defecated”, and watch the clicks pouring in.

Dr Mahathir Conferred Honarary Doctorate In Thailand
Does that make him Dr. Dr. Mahathir. What did he do to Thailand?

We move to top southeast Asia news now.

Poachers get a taste for elephant meat
Which part? There, you dirty brained readers.

PHL sees expanded US military ties keeping China aggression at bay
Fight fire with fire. Get some Rottweilers, now that’s aggression.

Two Uighurs deported from Cambodia to China get life
“Get a life” eh?. Must be hardcore Vijay fans.

Australian rescued after boat capsizes
Southeast Asia – region of boat capsizes. Come and get capsized. Jeez, man.

Things are getting better, we are now looking at top World news now.

Rio de Janeiro's infrastructure is questioned after building collapse
As usual, prevention if better after the patient kicked the bucket.. Jeez, man.

No comment.

Sixteen kilograms of cocaine seized at UN
There you go, explains what those buggers been doing.

South Korean Charity Delivers Food to North Korea
Aw, that’s touching. Wonder if arsenic is part of the ingredients.

Now, we move on to the wonderfully dull world of Business news.

IJM and AZRB still awaiting formal letters of award from MRT Corp
Jeez, man. Get a vowel, get a frickin vowel!

Rise in sugar subsidy to ease burden of the people
And kill them with diabetes. Cool.

Cuepacs chief wants more of his officers on remuneration review committee
How do you spell that? Renumer…remine…ramone….

Nokia to expand its smartphone market, plans to overtake RIM
Good to know that you are overtaking Recording Industry of Malaysia.

Samsung Galaxy Note spills its guts
Took two days to clean the mess I heard.

Now the news that I totally don’t give a damn about…Sports.

Australian Open: Madam Meltdown takes major step
Wow, that’s sounds dangerous. Radioactive?

Liverpool v Manchester United: striker Wayne Rooney an injury doubt for FA Cup ...
What kinda headline is that. Is he doubting whether he’d be injured during the match? Or he himself is a doubtable character except the doubt is not strong, just injury. Jeez, man.

Australian Open 2012: Roger Federer stays upbeat despite another grand slam ...
Are they still open?

Pacesetter Rory McIlroy still wary of Tiger Woods
I know, right? The man is probably looking at your wife this instant. Quick.

Okay, now on to the news that I used to give a damn about, Entertainment.

Prosperity toss
How do you toss a goddam prosperity. Put some coins, notes, jewellery in the bowl and toss them. Screw you, news editor.

Michael Jackson's legacy cemented by children
Yeah,the story got something to do with cement. What if they build a statue for him. “Michael Jackson’s legacy erected by…”?

Next on is my favourite these days. Yes, it’s about Science where the headlines scream of innovations, inventions, and wonders of technology that made mankind progress by leaps and bounds and the first headline is…

Canadian teens launch Lego man into space

I’ll not click the “more science stories” part and go to the last section that has nothing to do with me, Health.

Nursery, childcare centre sealed for 21 days
And put in the fridge for freshness. Grouch, you are justifying this post’s title.

France: Ex-head of breast implant firm charged
Why, it was firm, wasn’t it?

Thanks for reading this very lame post. Have a great weekend and don’t forget to donate some goddam Vowels for IJM and AZRB. Jeez, man.

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