The Ten Unwritten Rules of Tamil Films.

(The following is a rewrite/translation of the original article was written by filmmaker/writer Sehnthan Arumugam for the monthly Tamil language magazine Mayil…I wrote them in my personal style but the entire credit goes to Sehnthan whose own biting satiric style inspired this…the original scans are featured, spread over the article...written with the author's permission, by the way...)

Prologue

Clichés are heaven-sent for headline writers, and that’s all there is to it, but when the formulaic scenes, stereotypical characters and somewhat staid plots start reappearing to the point of scaring even five years old, then its time you take up arms and start a revolution. Or in Sehnthan’s case, list them down for you to tear apart. My rewriting begins….

Intro .

The History of Tamil film truly started in 1918, when one R. Nataraja Mudaliar released Keechaka Vadham, a silent feature that kicked started the torrential pour of Tamil films that have peaked to immeasurable numbers of releases per year at some point (if you take into account some dubbed flicks among others). Out of these, only, perhaps, 10 percent would turn out to be original, authentic presentations, while the rest are bargain bin business-as-usual films that may or may have not been blockbuster hits…depending on what the hardcore fans are impressing upon you. And one never knows whether the fans are tired of these “formulaic” outputs…

But it is worth noting that these clichés, or tropes have been in presence for persistently so long in the film industry that they have been holding on to power beyond their expiry dates like many country leaders. Now, let’s look at these clichés, or tropes if you want to call them…or formula…whatever...

1. One hero vs multiple henchmen.

Multiple is an understatement here. Usually, the extras do not come in and kick the heroes butt at one normally do, if henchmen kicking one guys butt is a regular occurrence, like littering. Noooo….they usually come at our Man of masses one by one, like a superhero (that will make actual superhero like Batman to retire in his cave and hang up his cowl), he would “deal” with them successfully by any mean, using any weapon, and any number of invisible forces…until the main villain gives him a hard time…and…duh…you know who wins at the end. These poor extras deliver their punches and kickes feebly in direct relation to their daily coolie wages so that not a piece of the heroes wig are moved by the time the fight is over. Phew!

2. Superhuman strength

Speaking of which…because heroes won’t die…and even if they do, their lookalike or twin brothers all played by the same star will save the day. But they die hard…literally. Imagine if you will (or watch those damned films), with two bullets in him, deep machette cuts on his person, and a dagger stabbed in his back….yet, our hero rises like climaxing Terminator to kick the bad guys ass. Phoenix be damned.

3. Heroes with secret past

Or secret life, rather. The heroes always have a dark past, or is doing something else under the covers to facilitate our film fans devastating addiction for flashbacks. A twist in the plot forces open his closet in the middle of the film, and, or, in case of filmmakers with bushier beard, this might only occur at the end of the film. With sequels clamouring a position amidst lazy producers these days, some secrets are held until the next flick…

4. Man of many talents.

Despite having born and grown in a remotest village, our hero would magically be endowed with all kinda martial arts imaginable, or unimaginable (Re: Vijayakanth). If that is not enough, he would be blessed with brilliant singing vocal (Re: Ramarajan) and ability to outdo Michael Jackson on the dance floor (Re:…oh, never mind).

5. Pregnant gals

If the young heroines, or the ones shown to have married exhibits sudden desire to throw up her entire lunch or dinner… suddenly….you know what’s coming. Which means, time is ripe for bad guys to kidnap them, or, even kill them. These mothers-to-be will never be able to enter the medical facility safely…oh no….not without massive disruptions and even if they do, it won’t be a safe labour, the scriptwriters detest that don’t they? These will be told in detail when the kid grows up so that he can quench his thirst for vengeance.

6. Torrential rain…
 

Yes, rain helps to enhance the emotion. The hero wants to express his deepest feeling to his lover? Let it rain. A complex, gritty situation where the hero confronts (finally?) the baddie? Let the droplets gush down heavily. A climax which nothing much happening but some heavy speech….oh boy, get the cloud squeeze the last drop. The only time the wet weather is forced to stop is when the heroes plead the nature so with heavy S.P. Balasubrahmanyam singing….

7. Time…stand still please
 

We have seen these…the important character is dying…or should have been dead by now. But wait…or rather, the death should wait until the character has said what he or she wanted to say, comma, full stop and all. Then, they close their eyes…or the one holding them symbolically close their chapters by caressing their palms over the deceased eyes (how’s that for corpse fondling?).

8. Village beauties.
 

Oh, how have we seen heroines who somewhat, despicably, does not fit the platform of the story at all. That’s pretty regular. It is fine if a very fair (or north Indian looking) heroines can be found in a typical city setting…but how in heck did these creatures ended up in a typical village is anyone’s guess.

9. Follow…literally, and romance follows.
 

The hero would follow the heroin and pines for her with cupids arrow of any sort. The girl knows and pretends that she’s ignorant. She speaks fondly of this repulsive stalking to her gal pals…but of course, if the established villain does that…. Reports are made and all hell shall break loose.

 

10.  BFF
 

Yes, the best friend forever factor (NanbendA), where these comprises mostly sidekicks of comedic varieties. As the story drags its heavy feet amidst tiring plotlines, these “funny” guys come to the rescue and lift the dying film up. Their gags usually last until things gets heated up between the hero and his lover, after which they become the hero’s counsellors, helpers, postman and of course, in some cases, sacrificial lambs.

Epilogue

Of course, not all Tamil films use these stereotypes, and tropes. But you, dear readers, must be nodding in agreement with what you read just now, because they are everywhere. Occasionally, some good films with original, brilliant scenes do appear and there must be more of them. Only then, these unwritten rules will go away. Till then….

(Thank you Sehnthan Arumugam and Mayil magazine for this well..unauthorised reworking)