Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Malaysian Tourism: Extreme Version

Looks like reading paper is the best way to annoy you. I was especially miffed when I read that tourism minister Dr Ng Yen Yen saying that more money is needed to promote Malaysia. Haven’t they spent enough already? Also, it’s ironic because her name has Japanese currency in it, and that too twice.

I say this: change your strategy. The tagline “Malaysia Truly Asia” is corny, cheesy and Nasi Lemaki if you ask me. I mean, you don’t see the Great Britain going "Britain Truly Europe". No, it is more likely to be “Britain: Our National Dish is Chicken Tikka Masala”.

Now, I’d say, let’s look at the other side. Let’s look at the extreme side, now that extreme sports, extreme TV reality show and extreme politicking are “in”. I’d promote Malaysia this way: Malaysia, For Your Extreme Experience.

Hee are some of the activities and events the tourist can participate:

Extreme Snatch Thief

Here, we encourage the tourists, especially the female ones, to walk around in the city with handbags and expensive Jewellery. Enough to attract snatch thieves, the tourists can play tug o’ war with the criminal, and win if he or she managed to bring the snatch thief down. The prize will be in form of watching the crowd pummel the thief senselessly. On a good day, we can have a casualty or two, from either team. There won’t be police intervention, because they are busy with…

Extreme Snap Polls

I lost the number of snap polls we have been having since the last general election. People’s representatives are keep dying or quitting or both. Looking at the tension both ruling party and the opposition are having, no thanks to their hatred for each other no matter what one does, it is liable that one after another representatives would die of stress or quit altogether, causing many more snap polls to come. Snap poll election campaigning would be perfect tourism event for foreign tourists. They can witness the spectacle of hate speeches, the merry satiric singing and dancing, and on lucky days, breakout of riots or if the timing is right, experience the tear gas and water cannon, courtesy of ever obliging Federal Reserve Unit. Don’t worry about the police; they are too busy taking down police reports from both parties and independent candidates, all of whom are not unfamiliar with…

Extreme Cholesterol Ingesting

This is a Malaysian past time, we need to tell them. Drinking the tarik with extremely sweet milk, and fatty Roti Chanai, or Santan drenched Nasi Lemak is no longer a threat to Malaysians, considering that we have other threats like road accidents, dengue, and snakes or politicians or lawyers or these entire tree combined. Okay, the latter was cruel on my part, and I assure you some of my best friends are snakes. Get the tourists to go on The Tarik/Roti Chanai rampage; or Kopi-O manis/Nasi Lemak Bungkus odyssey and see who gets to knock the heaven’s door first. Don’t worry about the police; they are busy taking down politicians’ police reports. The survivors are the winners and therefore are invited to

Extreme Mat Rempit

Actually, “Extreme” & “Mat Rempit” are redundant. This will have to be planned carefully, and if possible should be combined with Extreme Snatch Thief event. If lack of budget for this, talk to UMNO Youth and rekindle their once upon a time romance with the Mat Rempits, and this time it’s not for the youth, but the whole country’s tourism, even if involves crashing some Malaysian made motorbikes. I need not say what activities likely to take place, but the likeliest thing is, there might be no surviving tourists after this. As for the cops, yeah, the same damn politician police reports again, so they’ll be late for dinner.

Now, ain’t that fun and shouldn’t that be how we promote our tourism. If you say it’s too violent, than I suppose you have not been to a “conventional” tourism event like the Thaipusam in Batu Caves.


dagalti said...

5 teh tariks straight in one sitting may not qualify as extreme. But atleast an upper medium achievement medal is in order.

balan said...

More to add,

1. Extreme road drivers
2. Extreme taxi drivers
3. Extreme Parliament/state assembly
4. Extreme poachers (kahang)
5. Extreme politicians (eg join Goabakrishnan in stopping busses (phantom voters) or join Tian Chua and lay on the road with him in front of FRU truck )
6. Extreme Hotel Buffets (should have added to your Extreme Cholestrol Ingesting)
7. Extreme Durian eating fairs

Rakesh Kumar said...

Haha, PR. You are certainly overqualified to try Extreme Teh Tarik.