Captain America: Brave New World (2024)

Here's the deal, I took a different route in watching this film and to my relief, I managed to have fun despite knowing about the bad reviews that has been pouring in.

Yeah, the cliches, the usual badly edited fight sequences and the overused CGI are all there. My advantage is, I have not watched any of the previous Captain America films, having only see the character in the Avengers films. 

And speaking of which, I had no issues with all the Avengers films simply because I treat them as the Iron Man sequels with Tony Stark being the central figure.

Likewise, I decided to watch this focussing on on Harrison Ford's character. It worked. I managed to overlooked all those elements 

It works better as a political thriller, as  elements of this genre is present throughout (US almost going to war with Japan) and that is where Ford's contribution comes in having had played CIA analyst and yes, a different sort of US president before.

As usual to test how exciting a film is, I have made it a practice these days to watch after lunch, the time I'd be pining to have a nap. I slept through the Scorcese, Ridley Scott films recently.

But this one survived it. Not because of the action sequences though the noise helped, but watching Ford under duress... sweating and snivelling from scene to scene.

So, this flick will bore the regular audience overexposed to the previous superhero movies, but it will definitely appeal to the fans of the Jack Ryan series and Air Force One ("Get off my plane!")

Vidamuyarchi (2025)

Vidamuyarchi has one big issue: it’s an unofficial remake of the 1997 Kurt Russell starrer, Breakdown. At least the first half. So, it’s not a fresh story telling…again..which is an affliction when it comes to watching Tamizh language films. Or content. Originality is not this industry’s forte.

The second half, otherwise, is a mish mash of many thrillers out there. But there are two points that keep us riveted:

1. Ajith Kumar. The man carries the film no matter whatever plot holes or pure dumbassery occurring on the screen – he gave the film a touch of class and gloss.

2. Lack of Trisha. She’s the main heroine all right, but with her character ‘s disappearance being the central plot, this queen of frozen faced performance is only seen at the beginning, the bloody flashbacks and towards the end. Yippee!

We have Arjun as the chief bad guy, but I still haven’t bought him as a hero, much less a baddie now. But Arjun is in the right territory, Hollywood purloined action flicks – which used to be his playground during the leading man days.

Then there are some henchmen, you know, the current crop of yesterday’s beard and cropped hair fashion statement.

Leaving aside Ajith and Arjun, the rest delivered their best mega serial inflected performances. Though I can’t say the same of those actors playing Azerbaijanis (is that how you call ‘em?) whom seemed to be pretty comfortable in their terrains, giving our hero tough time.

The story of ordinary guy getting entangled in extraordinary situation in cinemas got its prominence from the Buster Keaton days….we have since accustomed to this central plot. We have not been told how (despite gazillions of flashback that needed to be told here because most Indian filmmakers treat us audience as dumbfucks) Ajith suddenly has the resourcefulness and punchability, but Kurt Russell did get heroic at the end of Breakdown. So, fair is fair, I didn’t question his character there and I am not going to do the same with Ajith kicking assess.

In fact that is the best part of the film, director Magizh Thirumeni has a knack for action sequences. There was a good long sequence towards the climax which could have been a great thrill and fun if it was not ruined by Anirudh’s pathetic song plus background score or whatever shit you call it.

Last few words about Ajith Kumar. I always compared him to Steve McQueen -a superstar who was also a fantastic actor with great screen presence. And yes, McQueen was a car racer too. I went to this flick just to watch Ajith and for that reason alone, I am not disappointed.

Update: Apparently makers of Breakdown got to know about the plot similarities after the film was into production...and Vidaamuyarchi producers paid for the rights as is said in this link. Yet, I didn't see the original writer credited.

Tamil School Pasanga (2024)

 

The last time I watched a Malaysian-made Tamil film, I was a guest at the launch and the premiere. It took plenty of diplomatic skill to criticise it while ensuring I sprinkle it with chocolate and nuts on it to sweeten the overall read. The producer and director managed to overlook the needle pricks.

This time, I voluntarily stepped into the theatre (didn't buy popcorn, sugar issues, dammit) and was curious as to how far the Malaysian Indian film scene has come since then.

Well, as expected, the film started slow and somewhat confidently wiggled its way into the halftime, really sure that the audience would still plant their butts on the seats. But what the hell, the scenes were charming and, well, kept the few audience members in the Rawang LFS cinema plant their butts on their respective seats.

There's something about not overstaying the welcome feel throughout the film. The story is very familiar if you have watched the older Hollywood flicks like To Sir With Love or Dead Poets Society, or the amalgamated copy, Nammavar, in Tamil. A teacher comes to a school that needs some sort of rehabilitation. He does do that, but not without challenges and resistance, and how he gets over it would form the rest of the narrative.

This film follows the formula to the T, but the difference is that, in doing so, it tackles many issues facing the Tamil schools in the country and predicaments afflicting the Malaysian Indians in general. The filmmaker tried his best to skillfully blend many of these issues into the narration; some felt very relevant, and some—somehow—felt like they were force-fed and could have been left out.

But this is not to say the story went left field or something. The characters, at least the main ones, do keep us intrigued, with all the actors, from the lead, played by co-producer Denes Kumar (well known among the Malaysian Indian content followers), right down to the little ones, being good and adequate, and even if at times the performances look amateur, you are involved enough to dismiss any sign of weaknesses.

And this is also the first time I ever got emotional watching a Malaysian flick (bar the earlier P. Ramlee features, but that's another story)... it will hit you hard, that scene. I wish it could be avoided, sort of something most lazy directors would resort to in order to get the attention towards the climax—but I suppose it is needed in this film.

I am also glad that the romance angle is not explored too keenly, or it would have lost the focus. Neat, tidy script (despite the lag in the beginning and some not-so-great comedy materials), a not-too-rushed pacing, and, as mentioned, able performances from all around make this a good viewing. The only issue I had was the quality of the picture, which kind of switches now and then from really good to grainy. Well, it was not bothering me.

If I were the great critic Roger Ebert, I would definitely give it two and a half thumbs up...if such a thing is possible.

Dongeng Sang Kancil (2024)

 

Remember the beloved Sang Kancil and its escapades, using purely wits and wisdom, going through the challenges, obstacles cunningly and ending up a brilliant victor? In folklore, these characters are known as tricksters, you would see them in Brer Rabbit of Uncle Tom's Cabin – an African American folklore, Puss In Boots himself and many human/god characters like Loki or Prometheus. Even the Indians have Thenali Raman

Well, Sang Kancil was our answer, our equivalent to those characters.

And the Sang Kancil of this film is not it!

I hardly saw any wit and wisdom from this famed mouse-deer. This Sang Kancil, is out for blood after seeing his mother killed by some dark force (like literally). It's out for vengeance and that is what the plot of this whole damned film about. There are hardly any showcase of brilliant, and often hilarious wits and wisdom that we expect from the Sang Kancil that I talked about earlier

This one is a bloodthirsty sonofabitch who would trick anyone to get his way and not in any means that can be evaluated as being clever or brilliant. He is just good strategist, that's about it.

And the level of bloodthirstiness. This 2.5D(?) animation is filled blood and gore. Yes, you actually see pool of blood among the bodies (especially the poor rabbits) strewn over, The bad buys (a panther) is portrayed as vicious, violent and vile – the film-makers went a bit overboard to portray him as the sadistic most meanest mofo in the flick, hell-bent in taking over the jungle (there is a colonialism subtext going on, or I am reading too much into the film?).

The animation is fine, by Malaysian standard at least, though it seems that they did borrow heavily from the Disney stock characters and peppered it with some Anime stuff. The battle scenes are pretty well done, I especially liked the fight between the panther and the crock – quite intense actually - until of course, when it gets gory.

Yet, very few characters are memorable. The lead baddie, the panther would probably the deadliest bad guy in the history of Malaysian cinema. Most would like the old Sifu character, a squirrel that's pretty nifty with footwork and was probably funny in three occasions. The rest are forgettable (oh, I also like the fact that in the crocodile gang, the animators included variations, like including alligators and gharials as well). 

Things could have sailed smoothly but for the climactic battle that got too violent, too gory and too bloody for a film of this nature – it received a P12 classification – meaning kids below 12 can watch it with parents' guidance. Well, I tell ya this – some can be traumatised seeing the cute fluffy animals' body strewn with blood all over the place. The rating is wrong. The film-makers didn't know where to draw the line.

Plus the voice acting is still at the RTM Drama Minggu Ini or, those early days dubbed Japanese animation standard. Pretty poor, I tell ya. But our country is not abundant with great onscreen talents, and I am sure it reflects on the behind the scene ones too. What to do. We do lots of biting more than what we can chew in this industry.

Finally, it makes sad that they did not adapt fully the actual Sang Kancil mythology to the screen. It would have been an awesome entertainment, instead of some dark Snyder-verse influenced shit they came up with here. Sad.

2024: End Of the Crappy Trilogy.

    

This will be a follow-up to my reviews of the years 2022 and 2023 both years which got progressively worse especially for us Malaysians. This year, 2024, ends the (hopefully) the shitty trilogy – the next era will be made for TV short-lived miniseries – if you get my cynicism here. Unless Malaysians get to their senses and do something about it – like not believing that one man can reduce the fuel price the next day after he wins election. Simple, right?

And that would be an understatement, especially when you take note of the great pile of dung that has speedily been gathering up lately, especially with inept leadership all over the world, most notably in our own country, and that nature really, really hates us.

Allow me to weave in and out of the country, to the international events, and pick some of the most interesting events, which usually means lots of face-palming and groaning. Hold on to your horses, or, anything else, err…handy.

X-citing Leadership

In the global arena, mid-January was greeted by the appointment of a new King in Denmark (yes, descendants of Hamlet, in a way), Crown Prince Frederick who would be King Frederick X. Malaysians would probably be taken aback a trifle to note that, yes, we have our own very X, PMX (not to be confused with the motocross bicycle…you know, the one you ride on). The algebraic nature of X being filled with anything and everything will be the theme of our prime minister – that has since baffled his most hardcore supporters, especially members of the Bersih coalition that used to surrender themselves on the road, rolling their bodies on tar and gravel like Hindu devotees during Thaipusam. The leader and agent provocateur of the coalition, Margaret Hamilton, pardon me, Ambiga Sreenivasan, later expressed her disappointment over the slow-reform that the current leadership has been doling out. Gee Ambi, what were you expecting? Another Abraham Lincoln? Here we have a former jailbird who got behind bare not because he fought for our country’s freedom, but his sexual freedom.

The good news, though, for Malaysians, like Denmark, we got ourselves a new King too. This time, it’s the no-nonsense Sultan of Johore. Those who know the Johore royalty (I come from that state) knows that the members there do not treat words like meat in Bolognese sauce. They love the subjects (Johoreans, not you other buggers and gals) and are equally very firm. And yes, we use pasta for our laksa.

The first thing the king did was to give warnings to the MPs in parliament to not “overstep the boundaries”. This is very much in the view that the parliament has indeed become circus-like with cracks in the alliances, hocus pocus of quitting and some MPs going rogue like batik-wearing Rambo or something.

The Swift US of A.

Speaking of which, the US continued with its usual way of life, including another school shooting incident killing a sixth grader and wounding 7 other folks. Ah, American way of life, the NFL, Budweiser and shooting of kids in school - a great tradition like Thanksgiving turkey that goes all the way to 1764.

February though – bereft of any schoolkid shooting – still belonged to the Americans and one in particular – Joe Biden…. Haha, who am I kidding? 2024, as far as US is concerned belonged to Taylor Swift. Yes, the world was invaded by Swiftmania rather…err, swiftly. Why, according to this entry, “...she made history when she won the Grammy Award for album of the year for Midnights (2022), becoming the first artist to win in that category four times. Later that year she broke the record for the highest-grossing concert tour when her global Eras Tour wrapped up in December, having earned a whopping $2 billion”. That could feed the members of the entire Forbes billionaire list.

Malaysians were so charmed, so much so, they watched in awe as Swift performed live in…. Singapore. It’s no secret that international artists tend to jump over our country like clogged drain to the island next door to do mega concerts. Hell, even over-the-hill Indian artistes are postponing their concerts…and typical of discipline-averse Indian artistes -  with their “great management skills”  - the concert  “A Lovely Night with Udit Narayan”, was called off days before it was due to be held at the Setia Spice Arena on Nov 28. This is actually a sequel to another Bollywood concert pulled out last minute at end of last year as well. A concerted coitus interruptus.

There is nothing wrong with that. It is just that we already have the reputation for banning artists from coming and performing here; there is a whole bunch of history of us banning musicians coming here to play. To the point that most international artists look at us the way vegetarian monks look at medium rare steaks.

KK ‘k?

Come March, we had the Kalimah Allah issue (yeah, you are permitted to shake your head slowly, sadly, and sigh your tobacco or vape smoke out), which I have written about in-depth here. There were cries of boycott and braying for blood. It has so much of effect that the affected party, the KK convenience store, has opened up more outlets. Whole point of being a” convenience” store which we call out for blood conveniently and then shop for convenience, parking our vehicles next to the outlet… illegally. It’s a must or you are not a Malaysian. It’s business as usual now for KK Mart and its customers. Others may call it hypocrisy; we call it, “quick to forgive”. Hey it’s in all holy books.

Bombing Aids.

As the conflict in Middle-East continued in the tradition of 1001 Nights, March also saw – surprise, surprise - the US dropping humanitarian aid in the war-torn Northern Gaza. What do you call a duck hunter that kills the mother duck, and spreads seeds for the ducklings. Fattening them up?

Naturally, wry comments sprung up, whereby Dave Harden, a former USAID director, noted, "The airdrops are symbolic and designed in ways to appease the domestic base.".

Skin Theatre

Actually the whole bloody operation was completely criticised for being screwed up, whereby Oxfam (Oxford Committee for Famine Relief) stated that it did not support the "ineffective" aid drops and called them a way "to relieve the guilty consciences of senior US officials". Al Jazeera English described the airdrops as an "absurd spectacle aimed more at the news cameras than the people who need it.". Over here we just call it wayang.

In May, the country was faced with a shocking news which was not quiet wayang as it added to the ever-growing frustration against the football fraternity here – poorly paid players.

Haha, who am I kidding again? No, our football fraternity, already thick-skinned with getting trashed in the international arena, is now getting skin thinned by – acid attack.

Among others, that is. Yes, check the link and figure out the news yourself. Our sports minister, Hannah Yeoh, urged for a speedy investigation and blah, blah, blah. And nothing has been heard from here on this issue since. I tried searching for Hannah Yeoh’s latest news to see if she has gotten on top of the situation and become a guardian angel to these vulnerable footballers…and voila, I got this headline: Police confirm 7 reports filed against Yeoh. Oh well, business as usual.

Speaking of wayang, we now have a tourism ambassador - from a film industry, nevertheless - heading the news announcements in the month of June – for the state of Melaka. Yes, it is Hang Tuah. Haha. Again, who's leg am I pulling? It’s more of Hang Li Poh, actually, as Chinese movie star Fan Bingbing was appointed as Melaka Tourism ambassador. It’s a beautiful premise, almost as if Shah Rukh Khan was appointed as ambassador Marshall of Texas.

Tragic mid-year

Tragically, two headlines shocked the country in the months of July and August, involving both Malaysian Indian and an Indian from India. In July, social media influencer A. Rajeswary Appahu, known as Esha, was found dead in an apparent suicide. So, the communications minister announced amendments to the communication and multimedia act. The sad usual mentality of getting things done only when tragedy strikes that has been prevailing our country for so long. Likewise, an Indian national literally sank without trace in Masjid India. Till today nothing is known of what has happened, as she will join MH370 to be featured in future “unsolved mystery” shows and content entries.

Vanitick-tock

As far as social media is concerned, 2024 is definitely the year of TikTok. What was once dismissed as a bunch of kids’ online playgrounds is now joined by professionals and politicians plugging their stuff and attempting to look as cool and hip as we wish they are ardent students of hara-kiri. But nobody is paying any mind to them. Despite being celebrated more for the embarrassing moments, the damned thing reached a billion users two years ago and is expected to generate US$4 billion in influencer marketing spending. Yes, influencer is now even more powerful than a sales/marketing evangelist or actual religion evangelists (whichever is more profitable and has access to minors). At least influencers sound less threatening – though it rhymes with influenza.

Budge It.

Hark! October has arrived, and y’all know the best part of the month – October Fest. Yes, but that’s elsewhere, despite the fact that here and there pubs in the country do very, very, tame cleavage-less events. No, it’s an equally fantastic day of great promises and high, drunken lies that precede bad hangover and only sensual reward you get is watching related Ministers smacking their lips when the related allocations are mentioned.

Yes. In Malaysia, October is the month of Budget. This year, it is boasted, has the biggest budget ever in the history of the country. Which is a nice backhanded compliment to another record – debt that reached RM1.173 trillion, an increase of RM92.918 billion (8.6%) from the previous year. It may look frightening, but the article where I took the figure from assured me, hopefully you the readers, and the horse named Boo, that is not something to worry about. Let’s look at the article’s grandfatherly reassurance:

“…. not all debt is inherently bad. If managed correctly and used to fund productive investments, the debt could generate returns that more than offset the costs. The key is ensuring that borrowed funds are allocated to projects that stimulate economic growth and improve the country’s fiscal health in the long term…...”

Keywords “managed correctly”. In Malaysia? Where politicians get their respective asses hauled regularly in court for treating public money like personal whores? Right.

Trust issue

As if “budget” sparked a curse or something, the month of November immediately hauled Khazanah Nasional – yes, our very own treasury – into the limelight (or headline, whichever you prefer) with the issue involving Fashionvalet Sdn Bhd prompting the anti-corruption crusaders, MACC to confiscate documents from the…. wait for it…

…. finance ministry and Khazanah itself. How about that? The private company has been charged with criminal breach of trust. But what about public’s trust with our national treasury that has gone down the toilet bowl?

And so, we end the year with the news of a PKR member insulting the Agong. Ever since Najib has left the stage, the royalties has been subject to not too flattering statements and off-the-cuff remarks by some prominent politicians. Since the cat has been away, the rodent leaders have been cartwheeling their cheese with glee. 

So, there you go. There may have not been absolutely shocking events that rocked the country to the core like the drop in fuel price as promised. It’s going to be status quo, until the next election, less the folks are swayed again by empty promises. Till the next year in review, happy New Year.

Gladiator 2 (2024).

A quarter of a century has passed since the Gladiator premiered all over the world. I was 24 years old at the time, working in Singapore. I had just started taming myself as a cinephile, a movie nut, or a celluloid freak, if you will.

 I had watched Russell Crowe in LA Confidential before and saw a magazine cover proclaiming that he is the next Brando. You kidding me? I watched Gladiator later, and my jaw dropped. He is a mix of the classic Hollywood stars like Heston and Mitchum, plus Brando and de Niro. The dude has it.

 Plus, he made me cry. I cry only to Tamil films starring Sivaji Ganesan, Kamal Haasan, or Rajinikanth. But Russell Crowe? Dammit, man!

 Now, fast forward to the 25-year mark, and the same director, Ridley Scott, released a sequel. A goddamned sequel. Nobody asked for it. The hell is wrong with him? When it was announced, I just facepalmed and said, it ain't gonna work.

 And watching it, it exactly was how all of us (yeah, many were facepalming to the point that their mothers couldn't recognise the kids) had imagined. It's not as good as the first.

 But is it bad? I never liked almost all of what Ridley Scott has directed since the first Gladiator. Even Napoleon was a snoozefest.

 Now that Crowe's character kicked the bucket in the first film, I had nothing to look forward to in this film. I told myself that it's going to stink so bad that I would crawl my way back towards the movie theater exit.

 But.

 Yes. But.

Lately,  I had this habit of watching important films on big screen right after lunch. Yeah, you get sleepy, and will the film engage you? My favourite director's film failed that test.

 I had pasta, Marinara, then apple pie. I walked in, knowing well that I was going to have a great nap. Early YouTube reviews were, well, negative. So what.

 But whaddya know. I was engaged. Marinara failed, and so did the goddamned apple pie.

 You see, when they announced that Denzel Washington was gonna be in this movie, I went, “Oh, come on!”. I mean, he is a great actor, but he ain't no Meryll Streep, the chameleon of a performer. Washington basically does a lot of grimacing, lip-smacking, shit, and stuff. No. He is more of an Eastwood kinda performer, limited but knows how to draw the gun and hit the target.

 Yet, I can see why Scott chose him. Thanks to Washington's performance in Training Day (2001), dry, negative, and, as they say in the industry, typed against cast, he was a triumph in this film. He is the livewire. Without him, there is no film.

 Look, I had always had this opinion, if I may, that Denzel is overrated. He is mostly himself, but in a classic sort of way, say, Steve McQueen—a great actor who always brings magic to each film.

 And that is exactly what he brought to the film. Take him out, and the film collapses like a frameless circus tent.

 There are one too many Collesuem fight scenes, which may bore some out, but they are intriguing. All the onscreen performers did their best, and I was so overjoyed to see Connie Nielsen again. Never aged (there is a flashback scene where I suppose they did about 17 minutes of work to de-age her). I fell in love with her in the first film, and well, I injured myself this time. Oh, she's a great actress too.

 The Mescal and Pascal dudes did their job well. I think the whole thing about connecting to the first film is a bit of a whacky con job just to satisfy the fans of the earlier film, with even clips with Crowe shoved in (it could have been dealt with with just dialogues alone), but what the hell?

 Yet, I liked it. It's not going to be a classic like the 1999 flick, no way. But watched on its own, it has its own merit. It's alright. But unlike the first one, I do not think I would wanna rewatch it. And despite that, 
I shall just give it a thumbs up.

 

 

Red One (2024)

Just posted a rather short review of Wicked. Now here comes an even shorter one.

Whoever thought The Rock would be a great movie star, maybe prophetic. But if they thought that he is the next Schwarzenegger... feggedaboutit.

As much as you can complain about Arnie’s acting, the man still had some stuff in him. With exception of heavy drama, he works well in any given genre.

That is not the case with Dwayne Johnson. He has probably three sets of expressions, and I am very generous here. I could never understand his so-called "charisma." He is too annoying, begs for attention, and, hell, annoying. And I hate the fact that he is well known for his eyebrow schtick. Have you heard of Sean Connery?

The film is stupid. There, I said it. And almost all the critics out there hate it. The premise of Santa Claus being kidnapped could have been worked into an awesome adventure fantasy flick instead of another vehicle for The Rock.

J.K. Simmons is fine as Santa. I liked Chris Evans, but his “whoa” looks can be grating at times, but he did fine with whatever material he has.

So, there you go. I think this is even shorter than my Wicked review. The critics already created a bomb crater for this missile to hit.

Wicked (2024}

I, for one, am not a fan of fantasy flicks; no Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings films were too heavy handed to me. I only watched the first two anyway.

And that, plus musical? The only Hollywood musical I enjoyed was The Blues Brothers (1980) and a slew of the pre-1960s stuff. Boy was in for a treat.

I didn’t quite enjoy myself. Sure, the production design was fabulous, and the CGI deployed is apt, considering the subject matter. But it was a drag, up to the point the two leads, played by Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande, meet the wizard, played with such relish by the one and only Jeff Goldblum.

Basically, being the sweet musical that it aspires to be, there is not much conflict, not much obstruction, in what would be some sort of road journey—after all, this is an adaptation of a book that is a prequel to The Wizard of Oz. A sort of origin story to the Witch, that is. Except that she is supposed to be... Wicked, yes, and...evil?

It’s boring as hell, except Grande managed to be cute and funny and steals the show here and there, as if that is necessary. Goldblum, is Goldblum... He is a delight even when reading a phone book (don’t tempt him; he is such a crowd-pleaser).

There’s supposed to be a part two? Ugh…

 

no p.A.I.n no g.A.I.n: AI and penmanship: Part 2

It has been more than a year since I wrote the first part. At that time, there was, what in Malay we’d say desas desus (hearsay) about the capacity of artificial intelligence (AI) invading anything and everything except your physical orifices. Or so, I hope.

Being a writer, I gave my pointers there, mostly pooh-poohing—or is it pooh-pooying? Damn. Let me check my browser co-pilot, an AI app, of course. It says:

“… The correct expression is "pooh-poohing." It means to dismiss or belittle something. The phrase is often used to describe someone who downplays an idea or concern in a dismissive way.

Have you heard it used in an interesting context recently?”

I hate it when it ends with what looks like a hook for continued conversation, the sort you do with some hot chick. Or, dude, depending on your orientation. Anyway, in that post, I mentioned this:

Features with interviews, unless written in Q&A format, can never have the flair that a writer who throws her character in the mix when fleshing out the page detailing the encounters to the readers, who will see the colour and taste the flavour the author had intended in the piece.

This is where, in fact, I welcome AI. It is going to separate the real writers from hacks.

This agrees with this fabulous quote:

To be an author, you must be a human. The threat for students and researchers is really the same—overrelying on the technology. — Rose Sokol, PhD, publisher of APA Journals and Books

Thank you, Rose. I owe you a bouquet of... roses? Let me see AI try to write a dumb joke like that.

Now, since that post, a lot has happened. Sadly, those instances have countered my argument that writers are immune from the threat of artificial intelligence taking over their job. Guess what? I am bloody wrong, and we can look at the examples concerning scriptwriting alone.

Here’s the list (again, courtesy of ChatGpt):

There have been several notable short films and feature films produced using AI-generated scripts. Here are a few examples:

"Sunspring": This was the first short film created from an AI-generated script, written by an AI named Benjamin using a recurrent neural network called LSTM.

"The Safe Zone": Created by Filipino entertainer Richard Juan, this short film was both scripted and directed by AI, with ChatGPT providing the script and instructions for camera movements, lighting, and wardrobe.

"The Frost": A short film by Waymark, where the script was written by Josh Rubin and the visual scenes were generated by OpenAI’s DALL-E 2 model.

"Date Night": Developed using GPT-3 by Built In, this short film showcases a unique approach to narrative storytelling through AI.

"It's No Game": A sci-fi short film starring David Hasselhoff, with a script generated by a neural network.

Now, the good news is, none of them were headline makers. Which is reassuring. 

I would still think that writers like me are safe from all of what I do (career and passion-wise) being taken over by AI.

AI. cannot make similes and metaphors, which are as useful as toilet rolls during diarrhoea (see what I did there), which are also creative, or as my case here, terribly cringeworthy. AI-generated stuff would be as dull as British soap operas (except the actresses, of course).

But as mentioned in the previous post, many branches of the writing profession would die. Like how human arms have been replaced by robotic ones, simpler writing tasks will be totally taken over by AI. They will be looking at the direction of creative writers next, but there is no way they can come any nearer.

I mean, no AI can stoop low to make films like The Underdoggs, starring Snoop Dog. Never heard of it? Then you got my point.

Happy 20th Anniversary Grouchy Days.

Like most husbands and male lovers, I am afflicted with anniversary amnesia. Yes, I started this blog on 29th October 2004. I shoulda been talking about this instead of some shitheads named Trumps or something. 

But throughout those 20 years, I have had quite a ride. Wrote about my marriage, the birth of my son, then... you will notice the conspicuous gap between 2015 and 2019. Dark days, my friends, my alcoholism, subsequent submission to rehab, and in 2019, I was out. Let me see what the first thing was that I wrote: Ah, a movie review. How typical.

Like teens maturing into old men, right after a few months, I asked myself this question: Why do I blog? The rumination, which I recorded of course. I mentioned this: “You see, a long time ago I had wanted to become a columnist. An important columnist who dedicates his weekly column addressing socially critical issues like why the armpit needs bushes of hair.”

But most importantly, I said this: "I want a site to reflect on my own life and bore the hell out of the visitors. I want a log book where I can look back and say, "Men, was I that bad in writing?"
No, twenty years ago, Rakesh. You are alright in writing. You just suck in life. That was what had happened the last twenty years. The horrible ride.

Yet, I kept at it, not regularly. As and when, being such a lazy ass. But I have done quite a variety of styles, or genres, if you prefer, in fact. I’ve had in the site film reviews, op-ed stuff, parodies, or was just talking shit. But they were very fulfilling—er, not the shit part. Those posts were my gym training for writing muscles.

Here comes the vain part. I want to congratulate myself for having maintained this blog for that long a period. Even my marriage didn’t last long, much less my relationship with many cats (haha, a joke, you didn’t see that coming, did you?).

So, here’s to you, Rakesh, for another 20 years unless you are run over by a steam roller by then.

 

Old Grouch Fable Collection pt4

Our Feature Presentation

The Fox and the Grapes

A Fox named Cox one day caught a sight of a beautiful bunch of ripe grapes hanging from a vine over the branch of a tree like the bossom of a dame in an old painting. I should remind you dear readers that we continue to refer to him as a Fox named Cox because in the near neighbourhood there was a duck named Cox. We don’t want confusion with the Coxes, you see. Why are you giving me the dirty look?

Anyway, the Fox named Cox noticed that the grapes seemed ready to burst with juice, and the Fox’s mouth watered as he licked his tongue about his lips, thinking of how he would suck the very juice. Hey, wait a minute. It is beginning to sound dirty. 

The bunch hung from a high branch, so the Fox named Cox had no choice but to jump for it. The first time he jumped, he missed it by a long way and landed on his ass so hard that he may have lavatorial issues for several days, said the medical observers.

Right on, then, the Fox named Cox now walked off a shorter distance and took a running leap at it, only to fall again on his ass. “Anymore ass and ground meeting, Fox named Cox will have to defecate through__" I had to shut the observer off and send him back to Arkham Asylum.

And there you go. Fox named Cox was trying again and again till his ass looked like what exactly Flat Earthers had imagined the world looks like. 

Finally, he just sat down, tired, and looked at the grape with disgust.

“What a fool I am,” he said. “Here I am busting my chops just to reach a bunch of sour grapes that are not worth gaping for.” Or was it “gapes that are not worth graping for”? Gotta check the notes 

Whatever it is, he walked away very, very scornfully—dejected and feeling like shit—which is something this narrator can never understand. How does one qualify that statement, feeling like shit? Is the person saying he feels that he stinks or that he has felt shit delicately and understood what it is like, which is exactly like a loser fox? I don’t know

Moral: Just because you couldn’t marry a princess doesn’t mean that she suddenly becomes an ugly witch who doesn’t deserve you. You just couldn’t get her. simple as that, so eff off. 

Our lesser presentation (Budget constraint).

👠🔋🧵🥊✈️🚲🍌🐈‍⬛🤘

Goatherd and the Wild Goats.

It was a cold, stormy night when ghosts—oh, hang on. Different genre. 

Well, it was one cold, stormy day actually, when a Goatherd drove his goats for shelter into a cave. While hanging about freezing all their collective butts off, a number of wild goats also entered without even knocking because, you know, caves ain’t got no doors. Man, that is a hilarious joke, said nobody. Sorry.

The shepherd was, of course, delighted. Here are some assets walking right up to his lap—only not literally, or he would not be able to reproduce anytime soon. But there they are. With them onboard, the shepherd started feeding the wild goats really well. As for his own original flock, he fed the scraps just to ensure those sons of guns were alive enough.

When the weather finally cleared and the shepherd led all the goats out...dammit...whaddya know! the wild goats scampered off running to the hills. 

Disappointed, the Shepherd groaned “So much for gratitude, after feeding and treating you well,” said that whiny bitch. 

One of the wild goats heard that, reversed (no, not actual reverse; goats can’t do that; they don’t have R gear), turned and said, “Hah, you want us to join your flocks,” pausing for dramatic Shakespearean effect and continuing, "We know that if some new goats come in, you treat us like shit like how you did with your own goats." After spewing some profanities, that goat too left. 

Moral: Just because you got a new set of friends, relatives, or playmates (not the Playboy ones), you neglect the old ones, or would you? Damn, it’s humbling to get these lessons from future lamb chops and mutton varuval. Anyway.

A Tail of Fox 

(Actual title of this fable is Fox and the Tail.) I was just being…er, never mind.

A fox caught its tail in a trap and lost all of it, and there he was with bare butt walking around, not sure how to show its face in the fox community.

But he had an idea—to put up a bold face. So he called the other foxes for a general meeting. The others were confused. Is it election time? Has any fox chick run away with a cat or something?

The tailless fox started preaching about the uselessness of the tail. “Look, if you are chased by a dog, it can just reach your tail and bite the shit out of it. Why do you even need one?” he launched.

Plus, he also lamented that animals with tails can’t sit on their asses properly because of the bloody tail in the way. 

Listening to all this crap, the oldest, wisest of the foxes shook his head sadly and said, “You lose your tail, you lose your tail. That’s all. Don’t try to hide your shame by glorifying the lack of an ornament. In another word, why don’t you go and...” At that time a lion roared or something, so the profanity was gladly muted.

Moral: There are always some knuckleheads who are just too happy to bring you down to their level when their shortcomings are too glaring. Just tell ‘em the same thing the wise old goat said. 

 Old Grouch Fable Collection pt1

 Old Grouch Fable Collection pt2

 Old Grouch Fable Collection pt3