no p.A.I.n no g.A.I.n: AI and penmanship: Part 1

Q: Would I be worried about Artificial Intelligence (AI) as a writer?

A: What is the opposite of artificial intelligence? If you say “politicians”, you are wrong because most of what’s floating on consciousness are artificial as well. My answer would be: Human intelligence of course. While artificial limbs and parts make up for none, would artificial intelligence do the same, considering that in hundreds and  thousands years of existence, homo sapiens still rely on some magnificent force in sky to help them pass their exams, and bless their sandwiches.

Do we need AI? And without bothering about the flow, I’m gonna jump to it: what the fudge will AI do to my job as a writer?

Seriously. The notion that AI would (permitted to?) infiltrate and take over many jobs is both a threat and a joke. Threat, as in, you will become redundant and will soon be kowtowing to robot overlords. You will be waste products, mostly used for amusement of the android or slaves doing work like reaching for the coin dropped down between the grilles of a drain cover. 

Joke, as in, who’s gonna curry favour with the boss? (do, what in a more vulgar language involve lifting of the male reproduction organ pair). Actually that’s not funny…. It’s even “threat”ier than the aforementioned doomsday scenario. The sentinel being will replicate, even mutate with the bosses gene and go predator on our collective asses. 

But that’s me, most of my favourite sci-fi flicks are dystopian in nature and has either Sigourney Weaver or Ron Perlman in it – AI is hardly shown with saintly glow. Think of HAL in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968). AI can take over some functions, but writing is not an assembly line product, and it will never be like how machine took over productions of many manufacturing entities No, I actually welcome it. Here’s why:

I have had my ups and downs as a writer over the years -  yet worrying about competing with other writers, or dealing with  heated rivalries had never been the issues I had to be burdened with. At most, it was the insecurities with my own work. I recall now the time when a sub-editor who works second shift, coming in the next evening with a face that seemed to have joy sucked slowly through a straw overnight, told me to be more careful as my writing were full of mistakes.

Couple of months later he was no longer working there, possibly out looking for joy transfusion.

But that struck me. Hit me hard. It always does. Having had no formal education in English outside of the standard English they teach here in primary and high school, till today I have this insecurity about my grasp of the language. In the final exam in school (SPM), I scored higher in Malay than English. And I never even had a Malay girlfriend in school. The tragedy! Well, almost….

Thankfully, over time (quite a long time, actually) I managed to accept that I can go on writing with all those mistakes because everyone does that. Even most seasoned writers make mistakes, or write terribly. Back then, I have corrected my seniors and handed them the proof-read page and they just went on as if the red-inked scribbles were specks of dust on windshield. As I got older, I have my own writing corrected and I never felt as bad as I used to, but damn it. It sure do hit you a bit, especially when the one that corrected you is a young punk. 

But I realise this, of course. What makes writers unique is the voice. Sure, there are all types of writing, but you can still make your voice come through in the most droll academic pieces no matter how sleep inducing it is. 

Which would be lost as AI takes over the entire writing assignments, no matter if its academic, or industries like media and advertising/public relations. Feed the sonovabitch some stuff and see it vomit out copies, speeches, press releases and worryingly, scripts. Sleep inducing looks more prospective now. 

Collateral 

Which is why the type of writing that are most affected happen to be the ones that doesn’t require that “voice”, Namely, where drones of writer churn out mass manufactured copies, like Buzzfeed, where the headlines itself was meant to keep you staring at it for more than ten second: some of these headlines are longer than excuses heard in bedrooms. I mean, look at an actual sample of a headline:

“Kim Kardashian’s 7-Year-Old Son Saint West Said He Often Tells Her That She’s “Nothing” To Him, And People Have Many Thoughts”

That is, if you are curious about the “thoughts”, you click the bait (yes, that’s what these pieces are known as, clickbaits) and fall into the rabbit hole with ad banners and more link tunnels and secret pop-up doors to sealing a deal with the bankruptcy court, or even better, run afoul with the law.  

Sooner or later, the discerning ones are going to boycott all forms of clickbaiting. In fact, when it comes to all things online, look at the websites. The whole damned thing is dying – simply because the contents sucked platypus ass. The ones that are strong and surviving, are e-commerce platforms and ones that actually got bigger are the media sites, where I am sure, AI cannot get hold of in its entirety thanks to….writers.

Creative how?

So, would AI make writers redundant? Some, yes. Copywriting will go the way of the dodos for lesser products and services – they can all be dealt with by even Chatgpts. Creative writing would still be handled by the hands that can. There’s a reason why only Arthur can wield the Excalibur. And authors, their creative calibre. See, I can make it rhyme, try and beat me, AI. 

AI can be the maids, slaves, if I may, to do the cleaning up bit, touching up a grammar there, removing the misspelled trashes, and replacing with fresh fragrant ones. They will be the R2D2s and C3PO combined, intelligent but are subject to our whip lashing. They would still be tools. Maids. But not the type Schwarzenegger sleep with.. 

We use them to be precise about our “voice” in the writings. With dead writing, no matter how creative it can program itself into being,  I am sure many would clamour to hear those human ”voices” in writing, as inn performances based on those brilliantly written scripts that has its own unique colour. Especially scripts, in fact. No AI can do the verbal machine-gunning that David Mamet is known for, nor could create genuine hilarity ala Mel Brooks, which stemmed from his own unique worldview and upbringing.

Features with interviews, unless written in Q&A format, can never have the flair that a writer who throws her character in the mix when fleshing out the page detailing the encounters to the readers, who will see the colour and taste the flavour the author had intended in the piece.

This is where, In fact, I welcome AI. It is gonna separate the real writers from hacks. It will filter the gold nuggets from the muds and sand. The pretenders and the hoaxers will be weeded out. The shells once occupied by hacks will be filled by the AI bots. The ones with real panache, the ones that grind away at night, spurred by increasingly loud growling deadline – they stay!

It all goes back during the moment when automating and mechanisation was taking over the lives at the beginning of last century. A perfect example of that paranoia would be Charles Chaplin’s 1936 masterpiece film, Modern Times. A strong satire on technology taking over our life, and aims at the heart of it all – capitalism too, can be cruel, cold and as inhuman as socialism/communism is seen from the other side of the fence. The heart is missing. We always want that. Digital is cold, analogue is warm – just ask sound engineers.   

Like all tools, AI is starting out young, earnest, innocent. But age corrupts, vile corrupts absolutely. It was a writer who warned about artificial intelligence, if one were to recall 2001: Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clarke, filmed and released in 1968 by director Stanley Kubrick, in which the central villain was a sentient AI, named HAL. A bloody red light, that’s it.

Now, how will impact journalism. Well, I am confused with my own argument now. I shall tackle this another day. Or get the ChatGPT to write part two, I’m just too lazy. 

2nd part here.

no p.A.I.n no g.A.I.n: AI and penmanship: Part 2

It has been more than a year since I wrote the first part. At that time, there was, what in Malay we’d say desas desus (hearsay) about the capacity of artificial intelligence (AI) invading anything and everything except your physical orifices. Or so, I hope.

Being a writer, I gave my pointers there, mostly pooh-poohing—or is it pooh-pooying? Damn. Let me check my browser co-pilot, an AI app, of course. It says:

“… The correct expression is "pooh-poohing." It means to dismiss or belittle something. The phrase is often used to describe someone who downplays an idea or concern in a dismissive way.

Have you heard it used in an interesting context recently?”

I hate it when it ends with what looks like a hook for continued conversation, the sort you do with some hot chick. Or, dude, depending on your orientation. Anyway, in that post, I mentioned this:

Features with interviews, unless written in Q&A format, can never have the flair that a writer who throws her character in the mix when fleshing out the page detailing the encounters to the readers, who will see the colour and taste the flavour the author had intended in the piece.

This is where, in fact, I welcome AI. It is going to separate the real writers from hacks.

This agrees with this fabulous quote:

To be an author, you must be a human. The threat for students and researchers is really the same—overrelying on the technology. — Rose Sokol, PhD, publisher of APA Journals and Books

Thank you, Rose. I owe you a bouquet of... roses? Let me see AI try to write a dumb joke like that.

Now, since that post, a lot has happened. Sadly, those instances have countered my argument that writers are immune from the threat of artificial intelligence taking over their job. Guess what? I am bloody wrong, and we can look at the examples concerning scriptwriting alone.

Here’s the list (again, courtesy of ChatGpt):

There have been several notable short films and feature films produced using AI-generated scripts. Here are a few examples:

"Sunspring": This was the first short film created from an AI-generated script, written by an AI named Benjamin using a recurrent neural network called LSTM.

"The Safe Zone": Created by Filipino entertainer Richard Juan, this short film was both scripted and directed by AI, with ChatGPT providing the script and instructions for camera movements, lighting, and wardrobe.

"The Frost": A short film by Waymark, where the script was written by Josh Rubin and the visual scenes were generated by OpenAI’s DALL-E 2 model.

"Date Night": Developed using GPT-3 by Built In, this short film showcases a unique approach to narrative storytelling through AI.

"It's No Game": A sci-fi short film starring David Hasselhoff, with a script generated by a neural network.

Now, the good news is, none of them were headline makers. Which is reassuring. 

I would still think that writers like me are safe from all of what I do (career and passion-wise) being taken over by AI.

AI. cannot make similes and metaphors, which are as useful as toilet rolls during diarrhoea (see what I did there), which are also creative, or as my case here, terribly cringeworthy. AI-generated stuff would be as dull as British soap operas (except the actresses, of course).

But as mentioned in the previous post, many branches of the writing profession would die. Like how human arms have been replaced by robotic ones, simpler writing tasks will be totally taken over by AI. They will be looking at the direction of creative writers next, but there is no way they can come any nearer.

I mean, no AI can stoop low to make films like The Underdoggs, starring Snoop Dog. Never heard of it? Then you got my point.

Kajang by-election: A fence-sitter's view.

To be or no to...ouch.

If the recent Kajang election was a four digit lottery draw, there would be many winners, and too little cash to spread around. It was that predictable. Never mind that the original candidate for Pakatan Rakyat, Anwar Ibrahim (henceforth referred to as AI), was called back to the court of law rendering him unqualified to contest for that seat, he always has a backup plan, to have a replacement who is equally, if not more, brilliant, a great tactician, a proven politician that have served the Malaysians well for a long time in the past, a dedicated politician who puts the need of the people ahead of own family.

He chose…his wife.

But it was devastating to note that she had tough fight, not earning a massive majority as this writer expected. Maybe there were a few who felt that the opposing candidate from MCA look like someone they like to hit on who didn’t vote for Kak Wan (Wan Azizah, AI’s wife).

But something went wrong somewhere. It was AI (which interestingly is an acronym for Artificial Intelligence) who was supposed to be there, as the desas desus (Malay slang for rumour) noted that he wanted to become the Selangor Menteri Besar and there were pressure for the current MB to resign. But Selangor’s chief, a former successful corporate lion, refused to even move his mane, much less his posterior from the seat.

Truth is, clock is ticking for AI. He is not the youthful, idealistic, energetic, rousing speech-maker that he once was. Instead, we have an old man, with a familiar goatie that look like it would rather hang around with real goats, an eye which is enhanced probably by contact lens (he used to wear glass, but then again, I suppose, his wife, an optician or something, got it done so that he would have long, hey, wait, I am not done yet, I meant, both short and long sights), and eyebrow that he kept raising fearing that it might fall below his nose which would not be a bad idea as it would create the image of a swashbuckling Eroll Flynn (One of the first on-screen Robin Hood) in his 90s.

All if fine for this writer. My question is, what does his allies think of him now? Sure, they used him as “Victimised poor bloke hammered by ruling party” ticket, but is he going to be an hindrance to the allies growth. Forget about the allies, what about the poor blokes who were once young, idealistic worshippers of AI who hopped that they could join him, and possible pick up the baton from him when he is all shagged out, er-hum, and run the party and hopefully the country?

They still have to wait. As for the allies, they will have to be satisfied with their little kingdoms or states that they rule. Now, the Islamic Party (PAS) are the one which is going to be really pissed if the Selangor Menteri Besar is forced to leave (like sawing off his hand that stuck to the arm of his chair) as he is a quite favoured to be there.

As for DAP, they are still going to be the bitching, nagging, whining, frustrated blokes and gals who are in no way going to go to Putrajaya if AI is still going to be their jumping platform (he might heave them too high that they might end up in Sumatera). They need a break. They need to rule too as would any boys and gals with ambition would. They too have plan for the people of Malaysia, which they have been refining and polishing over the decades that you can actually see through it and see the DAP chief, Lim Kit Siang’s grinning face, the look of hope and joy as sincere as an alligator lost in a chicken coop.

Are these allies going to continue with their relationship with Parti Keadilan Rakyat, a party that was founded by AI that resulted from mostly the rumination culled from the exploits of his certain physical appendage? Or would they decide enough with an apple of dubious nature, and move on with their own strength which mostly has been noises. Plenty of them. Like firecrackers in the neighbourhood just when you thought your infant has taken its first step into the lalaland.

Nobody is perfect as they say, including one you worship, or so says the one who is not worshipping what you worship. Doesn’t matter to an agnostic like me. I am fine sitting on the fence, till the sharper bit start poking me arse. But that is not the problem with those who have issues with the neutrals. Fence sitters earn the ire of the supporters. Because A would think you are actually supporting B and B will accuse you of being pro-A and these two supporters are not anymore smarter than a 4 year old who can get beyond And B alphabetically.

But come election, the leaders of these factions would announce that they can woo the fence-sitters and it makes you ask whether are there actually fence sitters out there? They are. They could be both the silent majority and the noisy minority or vice versa. They could anyone, you, me and the dog named Boo. To me, fence sitters are also those who can be easily swayed by last minute emotional outburst, like the moment when you want to strike the waiter down because he brought you fried rice when you actually asked for fried Bee-hoon Singapore style. And he is not even from the Island.

Aside: There was this disgusting scene I saw once at a food court. A family sitting at the next table ordered drinks and the waiter, a Bangladeshi, got the wrong ones. The head of the family, father this time, gave an earful to the waiter. And it didn’t end there. His son, probably in his early teens, continued balanced out the whole thing by giving an earful to the other side, including a couple of table banging to prove his point. Proud father and son moment. This is what our country, used to be known for the Budi Bahasa (roughly translated as ‘courtesy’) culture, have become. End of aside.

I am writing this mainly not entirely because I am affected by the by-election result. Maybe a little. But mostly because I couldn’t sleep. And what better way to hit the hay then after you have unleashed your venom. But all these talks about AI, his actions and sitting on the fence are not making my ass feel better. Damn.

To Kajang With Whole Lotta Love: My proposed campaign speech for Anwar.

Prelude: I am no stranger to Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim’s speeches, though I believe he is chummy with mine…in case he wants my vote. Apart from the usual clips on TV news, after leaving school, I had direct experience of watching him give speech during a dinner function. It was a comfy event with minimal select group (my uncle was with a defence/politics strategy think tank organisation, hence my being there with him). I was blown away on how educated Anwar was, mostly listening him to spout quotes from various intellects and their books to support his points. I was 19 then. Now, I was thinking, being jobless and all, that maybe I should take a crack in becoming a political speech writer. Good moolah, better use of creativity and best living imaginable, especially so if your boss is as bent as his phallic treasure.

Here is something I would write for Anwar to canvass support for his wife in the upcoming election in Kajang. The points in parentheses are my notes for him, just, you know, he is in the right direction…End of Prelude.

 Prelude is sponsored by Artificial Intelligence Lubricant: AI Lubricant, Glide Your Way In.

Remember, the notes within the brackets are my notes/reminder/instruction for him.

The Speech

This will be the last speech before the rakyat (don’t say “people”, “rakyat” is the preferred word, just like innocent Mee Goreng, instead of Fried Noodle that comes with knowledge that it has enough cholesterol to give a T-Rex heart attack)go out voting for the Kajang constituency.

Yes, the last speech to garner your support to vote for my partner, Miss…I mean, Datuk Seri Wan Azizah, who have been with me through thick and thin and touched me (don’t touch your cheek; you know, I know, so leave it) with her dedication and strong will during trying times.

Let’s talk about Kajang. We all know what Kajang is famous for, the satay. Yum, stick it in the back of the flesh, like really deep (don’t get emotional here if it all comes back to you) and grill it. But I am not here to talk about cooking show (pause here, there will be roar of laughter from a bunch of blokes and gals we will be providing and to whom we will show signal as to when to laugh) but what is cooking in Pakatan Rakyat’s cauldron (seeing that many may not know that word, say it anyway to make you look smart), a cooking pot that is, which is meant to be served to the Kajang folks.

In a book called Gastronomy: An Insight on Gaseous Intestine and the Use of Methane, Jamie Oliver Cromwell noted that the best way into others heart is through the stomach. Which is weird, because the food does pass by the heart to reach stomach, huh? Huh? (pause again for audience laughter, if none, scratch your nose and proceed)

Speaking of food, there have been snide remarks on how Kajang constituency looks like that extinct bird, Dodo, on the map. What piffle statement is that? Add the letter “L” to Dodo, and it becomes Dodol, a sticky, gooey delicacy (pause for laughter from ‘audience’ and scratch your arms while you wait).

But should Kajang be satisfied only with the satay? How about the development here? The basic structure? 

In his milestone book, Erections of the 21^st Century: Stimulating buildings and pulsating towers of the future, by John Cocksure, the author noted that, and I quote, “the orgasmic achievement by a towering erection is measured by the deepest involvement of the owner”, the owner he meant was the rakyat ourselves. If we are elected (elected, not erected, careful), we will definitely fill this city that has not been receiving any attention due to lack of landmark, despite the apartments and condominiums (condo-minium, not condom-minium, be careful) with awesome buildings and towers and gigantic appendages that will compensate our (not ‘my’) shortcomings (not ‘short-cumming’).

The ruling government pays too much attention in seeking attention of the voters, who are adult, that they tend to ignore the children. If you vote for us, rest assured, we shall make sure that the small ones are generously feted with toys, and especially, dolls from china. For boys, we have manufacturers from the US which is currently working on an action figure, called Super Anwar, which is designed to win cases in toy courts, judged by the evil Wig-Man, and defended by a toy non-action figure lawyer in wheelchair and Super Anwar is always saying, “Hi man!” in Jamaican accent.

I shall not take away the limelight from the star of this election. Be focused, and vote wisely. The future of Kajang is in your hands which means we decide what you do. Adieu and to quote Edgar Allan Poe when he conquered Monggolia, “I’ll be back”.