PKR Headlines and perceived report.

Oh man, the ruling party-linked press is having a field day with news surrounding Parti Keadilan Rakyat, seeing that it is going to have an election. I typed PKR in google news and boom! Many headlines with first few lines appeared. Too lazy to read the rest, I decided to come up with my own conclusion, as this is how reading news is done anyway these days. The lines in italics are those that appeared with the search result the rest is mine. Here we go:

Zaid riled by baseless allegations in PKR polls campaign

Malaysia Star - ‎

PETALING JAYA: PKR deputy presidential contender Datuk Zaid Ibrahim says the party election campaign is turning dirty with various accusations being hurled ...at him, including that he once dated a goat.

“It’s baseless I tell you,” said Zaid, who is a lifelong vegetarian and was once carrot-juice-holic. “It was an Australian sheep, by the way”.

The paper could not reach PKR’s de facto leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim who is currently in South Pole to discuss his Commonwealth Games with leaders from polar bear community.

PKR to demand apology, retraction of statement from Rahimi

Malaysia Star

KUALA LUMPUR: PKR will send Rahimi Osman a letter of demand for an apology and retraction of statement and expect a reply within a few days, failing which, ...the party will attempt to build the biggest Durian cake ever to make it into the Malaysian Book of Record.

“What Rahimi has done is damaging enough for us to consider various ways to win the hearts and minds of the Rakyat,” said a spokesperson from the party, though he is mute.

The Durian cake will be as big as “a typical Umno politician’s bungalow” and the party’s de facto leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim will not be able to make it for the launch event as he will be in appearing in BBC to talk about the merits of “tempoyak”.

Datuk Dr Lee Chong Meng Quits MCA

Bernama - ‎ ‎

There have been talks that Lee had joined PKR as early as June where he admitted that he had filled in an application form then, but did not sign it. ...as his pen ran out of ink.

“I swear I didn’t know my pen got no ink,” said Lee, adding that the statement should be taken literally, and there was no sexual innuendo in it.

He added that it will be sometimes before he can refill the pen, noting that the incident signifies looming stationery problem in MCA. PKR’s de facto leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim could not be reached for comment as he was using the restroom.

Kottapan Wants Probe Into Chaos At Kota Raja PKR Division Expedited

Bernama –

KLANG, Oct 6 (Bernama) -- One of the candidates for the division chief post in Parti Keadilan Rakyat's (PKR) Kota Raja division, who alleged that he was ...heckled at for having a comical name.

“In Tamizh Kottai means either seeds or testicles. Who are they to judge what my name means,” said Kottapan suffered injuries in one of his middle fingers which he raised in acknowledgement to the heckling during a recent division meet.

According to him, chaos broke up when someone announced that the division was out of Milo in the pantry. The party’s de facto leader Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim was available for comment but nobody bothered to ask him for comment as the division head declared emergency until the Milo supply arrived.

Chaos if PKR leads, says Umno man

Free Malaysia Today

KUALA LUMPUR: Umno continues to gloat as PKR dismays opposition supporters with its uproarious election process. If PKR were to come to power ...Umno-Man will retaliate with his superpowers which include, basically, telling unconvincing lies.

Umno-Man, once declared that his superpowers are so super that even Superman admitted that no way he can match his brain, brawn and ability to be more stupid (wearing underwear outside).

“Watch out PKR, for Umno-Man is here,” said err…Umno-Man. Datuk Seri Anwar Ibrahim, PKR’s de facto leader, wasn’t around for comment and was last seen in Justice League of America (JLA) office discussing possibility of JLA running the country with him at helm.

Sabak Bernam Fracas A Lesson To PKR - Khalid

Bernama - ‎Oct 3, 2010‎

KUALA SELANGOR, Oct 3 (Bernama) -- The fracas at Sabak Bernam Parti Keadilan Rakyat (PKR) divisional meeting on Saturday is a good lesson for the party in ...elevating the education level of politicians.

Selangor’s Menteri Besar, Tan Sri Abdul Khalid Ibrahim admitted that none of the party members even know what “fracas” means.

“Some thought it was a coffee item and some even asked if it comes with chocolate and cream,” said the sad looking Menteri Besar. The party’s de facto leader, Anwar Ibrahim finally relented and commented, “Look, even I don’t know what de facto means. It sounds like “dating” in Chinese. Is it?”

The reporter was not available for comment.

Election 2008 Aftershock pt 2

So, it has been two years since the March 08, 2008 election which saw promises, especially one where Malaysians who are politically matured will help guide the elected officials to steer Malaysia into greatness. Malaysians. Political maturity.

Okay, I can’t help it; I am stifling my laughter here. Malaysians political maturity is about the same as whining three year old outside a toy shop. Malaysians are about as wise as self-cancelling Yoda when it comes to politics.

What had happened the last two years since the so-called political Tsunami? Shit. Lots of shit. Stupid knuckleheads roamed the cyberspace and stupider knuckleheads are roaming the corridors of power. Just read the retarded comments accompanying those online news portals. I am not sure whether to laugh or knock my head senseless onto the keyboard except the keyboard looks pretty solid.

For example, you might get news about an old gent who broke his ribs after slipping over a banana peal and knocking his head onto a stop sign, and here are the typical comments you get:

“typcal of Bee En party to import bananas so that innocent citizen can slip and fall…hypocrites”

“Who put the stop sign there? Why must we stop? The government just don’t like progress that’s why! “

“I thk da ol man is fr PKR. F*** BN, DSAI rulz!”.

Note the ascending (or descending depending) level of retardedness there. The scavenging low-life usually comes the last.

One thing is for sure, the current Prime Minister Najib Tun Razak has certainly wisened up, learning from his predecessor that dozing on power will only get creeps climbing up his pocket attempting to rule the country and its people, most of whom have memory power of Gecko lizards.

His 1Malaysia policy, which I myself criticised as old shoe with new polish, is slowly picking itself up with the guide of supporting folks who had enough of bickering among the opposition party members, and realised that electing an amateur cinematographer might be a mistake after all. Still cynical about that policy, I wont’ be surprised if it is going to be the single redeeming thing that is going to help Barisan Nasional (ruling coalition, the BN everyone speaks of) in the next general election. They will be running on 1Malaysia slogan while the opposition parties coalition, Pakatan Rakyat, which is extremely good in opposing anything so much so that they can’t’ agree with each other, goes with “We Thought We Were Actually One” slogan.

By now you are probably thinking, “Waitaminute, Rakesh. Are you pro-BN?” Haha, I am actually pro-I-don’t-give-a-shit. Or maybe I do, but I am not taking sides. I am always a skeptic. My brother and I agreed that the whole Hindraf thing was just a spur of the moment stuff and it won’t be matter of months before they split. It did not only split, but was blown to smithereens. Indians cannot function as a unit, it’s evident everywhere, just look at the number of political parties and “rights” organisations in India alone. For Malaysian Indians especially, three is not only a crowd, but a reason to start another NGO.

There would probably be two more years before the next general election. Najib is already working on winning the hearts and minds of the Malaysian folks. The opposition allies are still whining, bitching, spitting and making thousands of police reports. When the time comes, they cannot expect another Hindraf to hinge their strength on. They won’t have sleeping prime minister to bitch about. They will bring on the same old Mongolian conspiracy, with some weak arguments on policy that they themselves would not have handled well considering they can’t even run a state properly.

Barisan Nasional on the other hand would still harbour creepy zombie parties like MIC and PPP that will definitely turn off many voter. In my case, they make me puke. It still has Khairi Jamaludin, who, no matter how much he has improved his image, still has the shadow of his father-in-law and the alleged doings during the former PM’s reign. But then, Malaysians forget easy, so it may not matter.

A lot more younger folks will vote the next time, and unfortunately many of them have sworn off mainstream medias (serves them too, looking at how terribly pro-ruling party they were and still are) and use the Internet for source of information. These wikipedia trusting, Malaysiakini loving youth are going to suck on to kind of journalism that doesn’t believe in sources or evidence and continue to vote on triggered emotion. What kind of emotion these two coalitions are going to stir at the next general electionis beyond me. But I can see that the opposition was the kind young teen kid that you have given a car too and he came back with dents in it.

BN, on the other hand, is that kid you sent packing coz he didn’t do a good job but is back, never mind he is still limping from all the kicking you did, but still wants to show you that he can wash the car good. Would you let him in? We’ll see.

Comments after 2008 Election.

Note: Well, more of a sour note. As my wife and I was driving out of our area, whereby you pass a Taman which is primarily inhabited by Malays. There is a park opposite, and you see families with kids, and at one of the little hut thingy with concrete seats, sat about four or five Indian guys drinking. Not coke or Soya bean mind you, but liquor. About twenty minutes away opposite them is a humongous mosque. The sight of the boozing buddies in front of the mosque, and in the park where families and kids were hanging around made me mad as hell. That they were left alone says a lot about religious tolerance in this country. I bet these are the ones who would go online under the cloak of anonymity and talk about the government’s fascist attitude towards minorities, religious intolerances and shit like that. Ban the booze and, boy, are we Malaysian Indians gonna be united or what?

Getting acquainted with your MP.

Whether or not your member of parliament (MP) knows you, let alone gives two hoots about you, it is imperative that you know your MP. Getting to know a little bit is good, and getting to know a lot more is even better, especially when you are required to talk to the Anti-Corruption Agency.

For this week, we would be talking to Datuk Joh Hari, the MP for Ayer Bangar – one of the most colourful personalities you can ever meet in the Malaysian politics arena. Come to think of it, we can never have enough.

Hari is no stranger to controversy. Everyone remembers the time when, in responding an angry accusation from a female MP from the opposition party, he flashed his tongue and said, “Oh yeah? Well, your father’s butt stinks!”

This immediately set of sparks of protest, especially from many non-governmental organisations (NGOs), like the Society Against Flashing Tongue and its sister organisation, Sisterhood Society Against Flashing Tongue and other NGOs like Organisation That Blames Only Politicians and of course, Organisation for NGOs.

Joe, as he wanted us to call him (sharp implements are powerful persuaders), was also known for his brash outlook and straight to the face approach. The latter was proven when recently he was literally nose-to-nose in confrontation with another opposition MP. The impending brawl never took place when the opposition MP suggested Joe to consume Listerine on daily basis.

Joe is also a great philanthropist. Acknowledging his own mortality and the fragility of life, he contributes regularly to Association of Retired Datuks. Also, in a clear attempt to promote local fruit industry, he regularly gave out free Durian samples to European tourists at the airport.

Despite his own role as a hardworking MP, Joh is a normal person like you and me, except he owns more and bigger cars. At home, he is just a regular Joe. In fact, his pet name is Regular Joe.

When we were ushered by his private security to his humble four storeys, elevator-fitted abode, Joe, who had just apparently woke up from deep slumber, greeted us in the living room.

“Welcome, welcome, alamak! I misplaced your copy of tenderlah!” he said, growing very nervous by the seconds.

When we explained to him that we are from the media, not a contractor, he calmed down.
Here’s the excerpt of the interview:

Your family:
Father, mother, two elder brothers, one younger sister, two elder cats and one younger parrot.

Your hometown:
Herelah. I got no hometown.

Your favourite food:
Catfo_I mean, err…Indian food.

Your favourite colour:
Beige with a tinge of red and alligator blue.

Your favourite beverage.
Bran…. I mean, branded drinks, heh.

What car do you drive?
Proton Wira.

Not what your press secretary drives. What do you drive?
Are you wired? I cannot answer this one.

What is your favourite movie and why?
Jackass The Movie, it gives hope to those who makes mistake.

What music do you listen to and why?
Slow jazz. They always play that in the hotel where I make deals with…next question.

Why are you not married? People say that you are_
Hey, don’t listen to what people say.

Then why are you holding hands with your PA who is obviously_
Are you sure you are not wired?

Aiyah. We don’t see anything wrong with that. Okay, next question. Who is your hero?
Spiderman. He inspires me with the way he kisses Mary Jane Watson upside down (looks at his PA passionately)

Your favourite place in this whole wide world?
Bilik Termenung.

Huh?
You don’t watch old Malay movies much, do you?

Favourite tourism destination?
Swiss B_, I mean, Switzerland.

What is your hobby?
Oh, I read. I read a lot.

What books?
Oh, you know. Self-help books. Very motivating.

Titles?
Aiyah, you knowlah. Books like How To Get Rich Without Working Too hard, Relax and Get Rich and my favourite, Why work, Squeeze The Jerk!, you get the idea.

Oh yeah, definitely. Okay, that would be all. Thanks for your time.
Thanks. Can I check you for wire?

Dude, this whole thing's on tape. Why do you think it's called interview?