Old Grouch Fable Collection pt4

Our Feature Presentation

The Fox and the Grapes

A Fox named Cox one day caught a sight of a beautiful bunch of ripe grapes hanging from a vine over the branch of a tree like the bossom of a dame in an old painting. I should remind you dear readers that we continue to refer to him as a Fox named Cox because in the near neighbourhood there was a duck named Cox. We don’t want confusion with the Coxes, you see. Why are you giving me the dirty look?

Anyway, the Fox named Cox noticed that the grapes seemed ready to burst with juice, and the Fox’s mouth watered as he licked his tongue about his lips, thinking of how he would suck the very juice. Hey, wait a minute. It is beginning to sound dirty. 

The bunch hung from a high branch, so the Fox named Cox had no choice but to jump for it. The first time he jumped, he missed it by a long way and landed on his ass so hard that he may have lavatorial issues for several days, said the medical observers.

Right on, then, the Fox named Cox now walked off a shorter distance and took a running leap at it, only to fall again on his ass. “Anymore ass and ground meeting, Fox named Cox will have to defecate through__" I had to shut the observer off and send him back to Arkham Asylum.

And there you go. Fox named Cox was trying again and again till his ass looked like what exactly Flat Earthers had imagined the world looks like. 

Finally, he just sat down, tired, and looked at the grape with disgust.

“What a fool I am,” he said. “Here I am busting my chops just to reach a bunch of sour grapes that are not worth gaping for.” Or was it “gapes that are not worth graping for”? Gotta check the notes 

Whatever it is, he walked away very, very scornfully—dejected and feeling like shit—which is something this narrator can never understand. How does one qualify that statement, feeling like shit? Is the person saying he feels that he stinks or that he has felt shit delicately and understood what it is like, which is exactly like a loser fox? I don’t know

Moral: Just because you couldn’t marry a princess doesn’t mean that she suddenly becomes an ugly witch who doesn’t deserve you. You just couldn’t get her. simple as that, so eff off. 

Our lesser presentation (Budget constraint).

👠🔋🧵🥊✈️🚲🍌🐈‍⬛🤘

Goatherd and the Wild Goats.

It was a cold, stormy night when ghosts—oh, hang on. Different genre. 

Well, it was one cold, stormy day actually, when a Goatherd drove his goats for shelter into a cave. While hanging about freezing all their collective butts off, a number of wild goats also entered without even knocking because, you know, caves ain’t got no doors. Man, that is a hilarious joke, said nobody. Sorry.

The shepherd was, of course, delighted. Here are some assets walking right up to his lap—only not literally, or he would not be able to reproduce anytime soon. But there they are. With them onboard, the shepherd started feeding the wild goats really well. As for his own original flock, he fed the scraps just to ensure those sons of guns were alive enough.

When the weather finally cleared and the shepherd led all the goats out...dammit...whaddya know! the wild goats scampered off running to the hills. 

Disappointed, the Shepherd groaned “So much for gratitude, after feeding and treating you well,” said that whiny bitch. 

One of the wild goats heard that, reversed (no, not actual reverse; goats can’t do that; they don’t have R gear), turned and said, “Hah, you want us to join your flocks,” pausing for dramatic Shakespearean effect and continuing, "We know that if some new goats come in, you treat us like shit like how you did with your own goats." After spewing some profanities, that goat too left. 

Moral: Just because you got a new set of friends, relatives, or playmates (not the Playboy ones), you neglect the old ones, or would you? Damn, it’s humbling to get these lessons from future lamb chops and mutton varuval. Anyway.

A Tail of Fox 

(Actual title of this fable is Fox and the Tail.) I was just being…er, never mind.

A fox caught its tail in a trap and lost all of it, and there he was with bare butt walking around, not sure how to show its face in the fox community.

But he had an idea—to put up a bold face. So he called the other foxes for a general meeting. The others were confused. Is it election time? Has any fox chick run away with a cat or something?

The tailless fox started preaching about the uselessness of the tail. “Look, if you are chased by a dog, it can just reach your tail and bite the shit out of it. Why do you even need one?” he launched.

Plus, he also lamented that animals with tails can’t sit on their asses properly because of the bloody tail in the way. 

Listening to all this crap, the oldest, wisest of the foxes shook his head sadly and said, “You lose your tail, you lose your tail. That’s all. Don’t try to hide your shame by glorifying the lack of an ornament. In another word, why don’t you go and...” At that time a lion roared or something, so the profanity was gladly muted.

Moral: There are always some knuckleheads who are just too happy to bring you down to their level when their shortcomings are too glaring. Just tell ‘em the same thing the wise old goat said. 

 Old Grouch Fable Collection pt1

 Old Grouch Fable Collection pt2

 Old Grouch Fable Collection pt3

The Trump Card: Why The Americans Want The Orange One Back.

The US presidential election results may surprise you or, as with this writer, not. But what made Americans to go back to that orange guy, who had a shot at one term and did badly enough to not get second term?

Frankly, I don’t care one way or another about the US presidential elections, especially the now concluding contest between ex-President Donald Trump and the current vice-president Kamala Harris. But I should. What happens in the US reverberates across the globe (or platform, for the flat earth believers). It affects all of us. For one, the winner’s mug that’s gonnagoing to appear day in day out on newspapers and media portals online, and I would have preferred someone better looking, a gal especially. Too bad, Harris.

So, we are back at seeing the infamous Republican candidate Donald Trump’s bloated face and the roadkill hair for another 1460 days (that’s four years, by the way; stop scratching your head). What does this say about the US or A?

Since many of us do not follow these sort of news - our source of news usually comes from phone screens through social media shares (when our friends and family are not preaching on moral values). The only representation of the US for most of us are the celebrities, sport folks and fast food.

Speaking of celebrities, folks from these damned screen trade and music business have traditionally been leftist, big fans of the Democrats. Watch how they cosy up with the candidates, and we saw how ex-president Obama was too comfortable with Hollywood, even appearing in Saturday Night Live, a show notorious for its political satires that had often relentlessly poked more fun at the Republicans than the others. And now, it looks like Alec Baldwin has a new set of work cut out for him. Famous for satirising Trump through his performance on SNL, he himself had thrown his support towards Harris’ direction.

I mean, look at the overwhelming endorsement from Tinseltown and the recording industry, backing Harris. You will see big names on that link. And surprise…surprise! Even Trump's fellow party member, Arnold Schwarzenegger (Conan the Republican, as the media used to label him), said good stuff about Harris and slammed Trump for some “unpatriotic” stuff the latter has resorted to or has remarked about. Yes, the Austrian born knows a lot about patriotism, which he can regale in Austrian accent.

It was almost a no-brainer that, at that point of time, everyone thought that Kamala Harris is going to have the cake and eat it too, and Trump is the loser goofball with unpopular policies such as the immigration issue that smacked of racism, as some criticised.

But whaddya know? At the time of this writing, with two states left to be called, Trump has 295 electoral votes, while Harris has 226. Indeed, Harris has already conceded the 2024 presidential election to President-elect Donald Trump 

Interestingly, the analysts are unfazed by Trump's lead. Some of them are very certain indeed, having noted what had failed the last four years. “Donald Trump has been elected president again because the future of American democracy was not on the ballot in 2024. What was on the ballot was the record of a failed administration led by President Joe Biden and Democratic candidate Vice President Kamala Harris,” says Jonathan Tobin, the editor-in-chief of JNS.org, from an analysis piece in the Newsweek magazine. 

“As it turned out,” he continued, “a majority of Americans didn't buy the smear that Trump was an authoritarian or a Nazi or that the only thing mattered in determining our future as a nation was a Capitol riot that was falsely inflated into an ‘insurrection’.”

In my own personal observation for the last one year at least, there is the rise of conservatism in that country, especially in the media, such as podcasters and commentators from conservative front like Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Candace Owens, and a host of others. Even the provocative, wildly popular podcaster Joe Rogan lent his last-minute support to Trum, something that the latter kept bragging about during his campaign rounds. 

One thing I suspect that may have taken place is the backlash against the rise of the woke culture that has been permeating the US, no thanks to those very celebrities mentioned earlier. Not to mention, overtly, the trans rights issue that sort of crosses the boundaries, irking even more detached disinterested blokes like me. 

All these contributed to the rise of conservatism, not only in the US but all over the world. It’s not surprising to find more folks returning to their religious roots, with Islam being the most popular one now and no matter which faith—the conservative route is the way the majority of the world population is taking on currently as religious nationalism is definitely on the rise.

Let us also not forget the assassination attempt, where, though the assassin was not within the earshot, still got Trump’s ear shot (thank you) that created waves of sympathy for the old man (surprised to note that no one brought up conspiracy theory that it was staged for publicity except these two women, I suppose)

There have also been complaints that Trump is going to be the first president with criminal charges hovering over him like a death drone—currently standing at four criminal indictments in four different cities as he reclaims the White House, totaling in 91 felony counts among others.

The US, which prides itself on being modern, open-minded, so on and so forth, is a nation of murderers and lots of other horrible stuff that I have covered before in pursuing the argument that it is not a great nation. Hence, this time, it deserves the comic relief leader it has chosen. It's going to be a great time for stand up comics, and the comedy circle in general.

Look, the current guy, Biden, who’s going to hand over the baton is basically a zombie and will not be missed. Obama may be good, but he is boring—he is just a nice guy, a supposedly virtuous family man, and, again, dull as dishwater.

Trump, with his criminal cases, his penchant to stick his feet in the mouth, and being inappropriate, rude, and dumb—incredibly all three at the same time—makes for great content, traditional or social media. I, for one, am really looking forward to his years as the president of the most decadent country in the world at the moment. Come on, for being the greatest nation in the world 18% of US adults (approximately 57.4 million people) are illiterates.

I am glad that Kamal Harris didn’t win. Gosh, if only she did, the amount of bragging by the Indian community world over, as if she is directly related to and have cooked Biriyani for them, would be unbearable. Welcome back, Donald Trump; and boy, are we in for great fun or what.